Ladies, Ladies…All the Ladies!!

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God.  All things came into being through Him and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being.  In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.  The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.  John 1:1-5

I’ve nothing else to say except that I am memorizing this passage.  Right now, for me, it encompasses everything I am dealing with.  Every struggle, every frustration, every joy.  In Him IS life. My friends, and his light will never overcome the darkness.  It will NEVER overcome the darkness!  Christ has overcome the world!  This is where I rest this morning.  My God has been here from the very beginning…He has created EVERYTHING…there is NOTHING apart from Him.  Nothing!  Be blinded by that Light today.

“Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have words of eternal life.”  John 6:68

Man, oh man have I been struggling today.  We are all sort of under the weather here…just little colds, sore throats…but it’s just enough  discomfort to make everyone a little “on edge.”  I say that in quotes because it’s amazing the meltdowns that occurred in this house today.  HUGE ordeals over VERY minor circumstances.  I’ve just been discouraged.  Mainly, because my children got to me today and I lost my temper with them.  I HATE doing that!!

I kept asking myself… “What!!”  “What is it!!”  “What am I doing wrong?”  “Then, what do I need?”  “What is going to make me happy?”  “What is it!!”  I practically tossed everyone in their rooms this afternoon.  I made EVERYONE take a nap!  I just needed an hour…or even thirty minutes..”Yea, that’s what I need.”  An hour passed…children out of rooms…we are ALL still grumpy.  We blow bubbles.  We play soccer.  We have a snack.  We play trains.  We watch a T.V show.  I just keep watching the clock….three more hours ’til Chris comes home…..two more hours ’til Chris comes home…..thirty more minutes ’til Chris gets home.  I must tell you, I feel like such a WASTE when I am living my life just to pass the time away.  What a waste.  And sadly, that was my day today.  Yuck!  However, as I was reaching for an ice cream sandwich (hey, it was a skinny cow…not that bad) because that was something I thought I needed…the Lord dropped this John 6:68 verse in my head.  And I just paused.  See, I had been searching everywhere for something that would get me through the day… I was turning to anything… even an ice cream sandwich… 

Now, I’m not saying that I wasn’t praying all throughout my day.  But I was angry.  I was frustrated with God.  Why does He make my husband work so much?  I feel so lonely sometimes.  Is it His Will for me some months to literally raise our children as a single mother?  It’s just really frustrating.  But as hard as I try to run from the one with whom I’m frustrated and try to satisfy my needs with other measures… I am reminded that Christ is my answer.  He has “words of eternal life.”  He has words to speak truth to me…. to encourage me that I’m not just passing time.  Oh how Satan loves for us to feel like there is no purpose.  Because with no purpose… really there could be no God… because God created EVERYTHING…why?  Because everything has a purpose and there was a reason…. and somehow under his sovereign umbrella…my three hours in the afternoon playing with my children served a purpose unto Him.  Lord, to whom shall I go?  I praise my maker for turning my “fleeing” into a “chasing” after Him.

I am a sinful mother.  I want to be a perfect mother.  I tend to give myself more grace in my other roles, but not so much in my “mother” roles.  It’s as if those mistakes are unforgivable in Christ’s eyes.  That is where I’m most humbled.  Christ sees those very much the same and very much desires for me to repent and move on.  So this evening has been a process of me moving forward.  I know I need to be in prayer more.  I know I need to be in His word more.   Tomorrow is a new day and His mercies are new every morning.

As I was flipping through my bible–grazing a little–as I was preparing dinner I came across a verse in 2nd Chronicles.  It will be my prayer for my home tomorrow.  Perhaps it may be one for yours.  We need to pray, people.  God wants us to pray.  He wants that devotion.  I don’t know for sure, but I am thinking Quality Time may be one of His love languages.  Give Him that time…Go to Him…He has the words of eternal life.

“Now, O my God, I pray, let Your eyes be open and Your ears attentive to the prayer offered in this place.” 2 Chronicles 6:40

I’ve always grown up in a household where most life lessons were taught with an opening sentence beginning with “Mama always said..”  Anything that I was trying to learn how to cook was always introduced with “Mama always used to do this…” Now a “Mama” myself, I find myself saying similar things to my own children and even my husband.  Today, I was just struck by the incredible legacy I’ve been a part of; a legacy of loving the Lord and loving family.  What a blessing.  I was at the gym listening to an Andrew Peterson song entitled, “All the way Home.”  The last verse is very dear to me…..

I have slept in the house where my mother was born
And I’ve seen the sun set on the lake that gave birth to those storms
Well, they may not have walked on water
But I know that their house stood firm.

“For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another.  But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.”  Titus 3:6-7

Tonight my heart is aching for everyone who longs to feel loved.  For everyone who cannot comprehend Christ’s love for us-His precious children.  For a long time I think I viewed God’s love for me from the perspective of Him loving me in spite of my sin.  He loves me because I have now changed and am “loving” Him.  I feel like God is changing my heart and opening up my eyes.  God changes me.  God changes my heart.  God doesn’t love me in spite of my sin…He loves me because of my sin….because He knows I need Him.  He died because of MY sin.  Not just those who were living in his day.  He saw my “unformed substance and in [His] book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.” (Psalm 139:16).  He died for me… and He died for you.  He lives for me… and He lives for you.  Do you believe that?  Then stop the self-condemnation.  Stop the striving.  Where do we get off that we can do something to change our corrupt souls and sin patterns?  It is only Christ in us who can make those changes.  Satan’s great tool is to constantly remind the Christian of his failures; keep the list of sins against his Lord.  He wants us to think that this God doesn’t know what He’s doing.  Let’s question His methods.  Chosen?  Why does God choose some and not others? 

I’m not here to debate predestination.  I just know that the bible says I am heirs with Christ.  It says that I am adopted as His child (Romans 8:14-17).  I don’t know of an orphan that went seeking adoption.  I don’t know of a child who decided to become an orphan.  I just know of families whom God has laid on their hearts to go and adopt a child, sign up, pay a price, wait… travel… some thousand and thousands of miles…claim their prize and bring them home… and love them as their own.  I, too, was an orphan. My mother was an orphan…and her mother…and her mother…and Christ traveled to earth.  He paid the price.  He gave His life for mine.  He arose fulfilling his promise to us “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” John 14:18.  I am no longer an orphan.  My Christ as found me and my life is a process of Him bringing me closer to Himself.  One day I will finally reach my home. 

So today, I’m overwhelmed by this act of grace and mercy.  I made my way to the entrance of the fitness center and was met with a torrential down pour.  It was raining so hard!!  I stood there, ipod still playing, Andrew Peterson still singing. My shoulder was brushed by someone darting out with a newspaper over his head.  I stepped aside.  An older lady opened an umbrella and began a brisk walk to her car.  By now Andrew had reached the chorus of the song… and I couldn’t help myself. I stepped out…nothing covering my head…palms upward feeling the rain.  My bangs began dripping water into my eyes.  It was hard to see, but I imagined it all was God’s mercy.  By now streams of thankfulness were flowing from my eyes.  As I slowly walked to my car I “walked in the rain of His mercy and let it soak me down to the bone.” Can you picture it?  The next time there is a heavy rainstorm go outside and get soaked.  It’s incredible.  And that’s the kind of mercy the Lord pours out on us daily.  We are soaked in His grace and we so often are unaware. It is by grace we have been saved.  I must say it again.  It is by GRACE we have been saved.   Dear, dear friends, get in His word today and let Him soak YOU down to the bone!

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”  Hebrews 11:1

This morning I was able to catch the interview with the Chapmans on Good Morning America.  It was their first interview since the horrible accident that killed their 5 year old daughter, Maria.  I know this is so strange.. but I feel so close to this family.  I have literally grown up in my spiritual walk listening to Steven Curtis Chapman’s music and God has definitely used him over and over again in my life to minister to me.  So, of course, I was bawling through the entire interview.  However, as always, the Chapmans always find a way to make everything about Christ….even in tragedy…and I left the show extremely hopeful and encouraged by their faith. (Below is an excerpt I wanted to include that I can’t stop thinking about today…)

Chapman said that the accident made the family question their faith in God.

“My son said the other day that, you know, ‘Yeah, we are family.’… But we’re a family with a lot of questions,” Steven Curtis Chapman said. “But that’s what faith is. It’s living with the questions. That doesn’t mean you have the answers. That’s exactly what faith is.”

I am growing to learn that life is not about the questions.  It’s just like when I continue asking my husband (Pediatrician by trade) all of the reasons why one of my children is sick.  After much patience with me he’s sort of like… what’s the point asking, “why?”  Does it change anything?  The fact is…when things are difficult in our lives we are to rely on our faith….without a shadow of a doubt we are assured of the promises of God…we can stand on His word.  Hebrews states this… it does not say that faith is the result of us getting all of our questions answered.  Just that we continue walking on through the questions in complete assurance that our lives are within his hands and our salvation is secured in Christ Jesus.  I keep hearing Steven’s song in my head, “Be still and know that He is God…..”  I run around and spend my time some days asking…expelling all of my energy in the questioning…instead of the listening… instead of the resting… instead of the trusting.  This is my heart today amidst my chaos.  I pray that all of our faith be strengthened today and the days to come. A little prayer came to my heart this afternoon as I was moving from room to room straightening up and I’ve been reciting it to myself.  I wanted to share it with you.  May we all take time to be still before our Lord.

“Oh, Lord as I’m asking, as I’m praying,

as I’m learning to become Your Will,

Help me rest here in this place….

this place where you are God

….and I am still”

Steven and his entire family will be on Larry King Live tomorrow night..August 7…God bless you all this day.

I don’t really know where this came from…. I was just looking over pictures from the past of my kids.  I feel like I was living in the “ditches” so long with “baby stuff”…. and now everything is in fast forward mode….they are growing up too fast.  I was just praying and thinking tonight—a lot about unconditional love.  I had a terrible Sunday morning.  We were running late.  (of ALL the days Emma Faye chooses to sleep past 8:45!!!). Looking back, I suppose I was under attack.  I mean isn’t that how Satan works?  Why would he NOT want to make me rage and stomp around and think horrible thoughts in my head on SUNDAY… right before church!  Yet, God loves me.  He takes me as I am.  I don’t think He wants anything more or really anything less….just me.  I looked at a picture of all three of my children.  I love them…and I am mortal.  My love for them runs so deep.  How much more their Heavenly Father loves them….and me.  This is what I wrote:

          As You Are  –jenny pruitt

From the moment I held you in my arms,

I loved you without a minute spared.

It was as if I’d had that love all along,

Or perhaps God suddenly put it there.

I loved you as you were,

Nothing less and nothing more.

I love you now as I loved you then ….just as you are.

From the moment you asserted your will,

I saw a temper born.

The rant and raves, the crying fits–

Yes, I watched the entire storm.

But I took you as you were,

Nothing less and nothing more.

I cradle you within my arms…..just as you are.

You’re growing every day,

and learning so many things.

Your personality brings such delight

as you laugh, and dance, and sing.

I laughed with you as you were,

         Nothing less and nothing more.        

What joy you bring to my heart….just as you are.

Life will bring it’s failures,

and the world will carry it’s pain.

My sweet child, you will NEVER be perfect

for Perfection bears no name;

But only as Christ, our Lord and Savior……Our healer with ready arms,

Embracing every one of his children… those near and those far.

He knew you before He gave you to me.

His love runs deeper than my heart.

Leave my arms and run to His…..exactly as you are.