Ladies, Ladies…All the Ladies!!

I am presently sitting here in my kitchen listening to my three year old screaming and beating the door.  He’s been in the playroom since 6am…it’s 7am now.  He was up all night and he’s been up pretty much every night this week.  With Chris gone at night and me dealing with all of his antics…I’m starting to think if this is Satan’s attempt to completely “take me out” (as they say in sports) for this retreat this weekend.  I’m exhausted and have had little time to really prepare things.

“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize?  Run in such a way that you may win.  Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things.  They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we are imperishable.  Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”  1 Corinthians 9:24-27

I think I value sleep more than anything else.  The other morning after I let Chris “sleep in” he came out sort of dragging.  He said “Have you ever slept so much that you seemed more tired?”  My response was “Never.”  I can NEVER get enough sleep.  I just LOVE it.  So this has been my complaint this morning. 

“Lord, how am I supposed to do all I have to do when I can’t get sleep.  How am I supposed to be in your word when my children are waking up before my alarm clock?  I’m EXHAUSTED!”

I don’t know…. I was reading this passage this morning and it suddenly occurred to me that Paul was probably CONSTANTLY exhausted… and we are not guaranteed sleep and preparation in our service to Him.  Perhaps it causes us to rely on HIM all the more… perhaps it enables us to attribute ALL of our work and efforts to HIM and Him alone.  So I suppose the Lord is bringing me to a place of complete reliance on Him this week.  I’m broken and frustrated.  I’m tired and discouraged…. but my body is to become my slave….I am learning self-control.  Therefore I will press on.. sleep deprived…… and I will be thankful.  Ok, now let me run before Josh breaks down the door.  Have I ever told you how much I LOVE starting my day like this?

whew!  8:08 and all are in bed.  I think that’s pretty good.  This week has been sort of crazy.  Chris has worked most nights and I’ve been preparing to lead worship for the women’s retreat for our church this weekend.  Also, I ended up leading worship Tuesday morning for the Women’s Bible Studies, last minute.. AND I’m going to be leading this Sunday during the Sunday School hour.  whoow!  I’m a little scattered right now.  It’s just a lot to juggle with my three little blessings…but I consider all of these opportunities a blessing.  It’s funny… I was just sitting Sunday night in the Steven Curtis Chapman concert and thinking..remembering when I was more “involved” musically… ”oh, God… that can’t be all that I do with music… please give me opportunities to continue to use my gifts.”  God has chosen to answer that little request of mine and I am truly grateful. With that said…when something is always added to my plate.. something is ALWAYS having to be taken off.. therefore my house is a WRECK!  I chose instead of being frustrated with doing laundry and breaking up little “tiffs” with my boys, to just play with them after dinner.  We all bathed Emma Faye.  We had a dance party.  We put puzzles together on the floor.  It actually was less stressful.  I have tons to get to right now, but the reason I’m even blogging is because I wanted to hurry up and record the sweet prayers that Will and Josh prayed tonight. It brings such joy to my heart to hear my children pray.  I would love to ask for all of your prayers for me this weekend.  I have a difficult time trying to balance my  idea for “excellence” in my music (my desire for perfection), verses allowing God to use whatever I’m able to bring to the table and bless it. Anyway, I hope you all are having a great week and have a super weekend.

Josh’s Prayer:

God, thank you for these many days.  Thank you for school and for learning about 2008 at school.  Thank you God for seeing us.  Amen

Will’s Prayer:

Umm….Ummm…..God, I’m sorry I got a note at school.  Help me do better next time.  Thank you for the yummy lunch that mommy made for me at school today.  Amen…..(He opens his eyes and immediately turns to me….)

“Mom, that’s all… I just wanted to do a short one tonight.”

I must say, tonight I think I’m there with Josh.  Thank you God for these many days and I am SO VERY THANKFUL that you see us! Amen.

“Mommy I didn’t get a note today!!!  Mommy, I didn’t have to go to timeout!!!”  Will exclaimed as I met him at the door of his classroom.  His eyes were beaming with pride.  “Mommy, William ripped my horsey, but I just said,’if you can’t play nice, I’m not playing with you.’  I walked away Mommy and fixed my horsey.”  Once again… so proud.  I, too, was excited for him.  Will has been having a difficult time following directions in class and obeying his teachers.  He has also had some issues with controlling his temper when others don’t play “as he would like.”  We had tried EVERYTHING to keep him behaving in school and sadly, as always, prayer seems to be my last resort…..however, it’s PRAYER that causes things to change.  I was driving home and was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion as I glanced in the rear-view mirror at my sweet, handsome, little Will.

“Oh, thank you Lord for giving me these children with these strong wills.”

I know that sounds silly.  But seriously.. I was so thankful.  Yes, my pride has been stripped.  I do not have perfect, compliant children.  There will ALWAYS be someone disgruntled in my house.  Always.  Sometimes it might even be ME. (ha! figure that!) I am NOT a perfect mom.  But because of our flaws… because of our weaknesses.. we are in greater need of Christ to strengthen us. …we are in greater need of dependence on our Lord. I praise the Lord for this!  Had I never experienced complete defiance and disobedience in my own children, I would never have felt the need to fall before the feet of my Lord and BEG for wisdom.. plead for their souls…I would never have realized that I am not the owner of my children’s actions.  I guide them.. and teach them God’s word.. but they have their own minds and their own hearts.  I would never be able to rejoice and give glory to God our Father when I see HIM working in them.  I would never completely be able to understand this joy! 

Also, I can’t describe to you the bliss of seeing Will’s face that afternoon.  His weaknesses are allowing him to see the power of prayer in his life.  He is learning what it means to be self-controlled….to show kindness… gentleness….exert patience.  These things are crucial to being a follower of Christ.  Will is learning what his weaknesses are and he is learning to avoid them.—at least that is what he was doing when his peer did something cruel.  Over breakfast we had been talking about how David was a man after God’s own heart and when he saw sin or trouble.. he ran from it. 

This is all Christ in our lives working.  I am understanding more and more the passage in Corinthians regarding Paul’s “thorn in his flesh.”  He begged the Lord to take it away… and God’s only response was.. “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” (2 Cor. 12:9).  Last week the very thing over which I mourned and wept before the Lord (my disobedient children)….this week I give all thanks and praise! Without our weaknesses we have no need for HIM.  Do you realize this?  I am so glad that I’m not perfect.  I’m so glad I’m so messed up….and not very smart.. .and not very perfect at anything… why?  Because it keeps me aware of MY CONSTANT NEED FOR JESUS!  That’s why.  And I pray that my children will realize their need for Christ.  I pray for Jesus to move in their hearts.

So this is where I lie tonight.  I slipped away from the Gamecock game to write a little.  I’m just so thankful today.  I told Chris that I was truly happy today.  My heart is just filled with joy….. and I don’t really know why… other than perhaps it’s just joy in the Lord.  Joy in the God of our flaws.  He loves my broken self.  He loves my imperfections.  It is my IMPERFECTIONS HE uses to bring glory to Himself… NOT any  perfections I acquire on my own.

I was listening to the new Andrew Peterson Cd today (it’s great by the way).. and I was moved by these lyrics.  It’s been my heart’s prayer today.  Perhaps these can be yours as well.  May the Lord bless you tomorrow in your worship and as you go about your week.

“The closer I grow, the more I come to know

how much I need the blood of Jesus.

The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow’s oil:

                               when it’s all you have, it’s all you ever need.” –andrew peterson

Strip me down, Lord until all I have is all I need… and that is YOU!

Well, today is going to be a little crazy.  I can always tell when Josh gets up early and asks to go back to bed, and then Will wakes Josh BACK UP and is not being very kind… Emma Faye has a fever…and it’s 7:30am.  So I can just tell that this day will be interesting to say the least.  However, the boys have school….so the Dr’s office won’t be that bad if I can get a morning appointment. 

With that said, I am meditating on God’s wisdom this morning.  I don’t know when I will be able to write again today, so I just thought I’d post these few verses.  May these be words of life for you today.  Embrace the wisdom of God.

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.”  Proverbs 16:32

“Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife.”  Proverbs 17:1

“The beginning of strife is like letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.”  Proverbs 17:14

I am applying these in my marriage and my parenting, today.  Yes, my weakness is being easily angered.  Arm yourselves ladies… find verses for YOUR weaknesses…. just arm yourselves with His words!

“Mommy, why do we have to go down this hill?”  Josh asked.

“Because that’s the way the road takes us.  We have to go down this hill because this is the way to school.”

I just have been thinking about that since I dropped the boys off this morning.  Isn’t that how it is?  Sometimes we just have to face our hills because they happen to fall on the road, and in the same direction that we are traveling.  There really is no reason why they are there except for the fact that God put it there and in His wisdom it is best for us to travel right through it.  This is comforting for me today.  I was laughing last night with Chris.  I have specifically prayed for the Lord to use my days for Him.  That has been my prayer this week.  “Plan my day, Lord.. to glorify you.”

I was laughing because this week I have had somewhat of an idea of what I was going to accomplish for each day and CLEARLY the Lord had another plan.  It all was just SO obvious to this fact that it was humorous.  Monday I was going to unpack and wash clothes.. get the house together.  At 10am I was hit with one of THE WORST Migraines I’ve EVER had.  (No, I’m not pregnant!)  So that day really just stopped right then and there.  I was praying so desperately for the Lord to take it away or help my children occupy themselves.  I was able to watch the Lord sustain me AND extend the gift of mercy to my sweet boys.  They were SUCH a help for me… bringing me stuff… talking quietly.  Will was helping Josh do things like get him more drink and snacks.  VERY SWEET.  Oh, and God sort of just put Emma Faye to sleep for three hours… she was acting tired so I put her down and she was out until 12:30….such a gift.  Monday, I realized yet again Christ is my sustainer and provider–in joy AND pain.  Later that day, when I was feeling better… we all went to the pumpkin patch.  Everyone had a ball!  I think God thought it best for me to rest and spend time with my precious children. Laundry can always wait… and a clean house never stays clean very long with small kids anyway. 

Tuesday, I went to Bible study and had a great time.  I was planning on putting everyone to bed and I was going to have some time to blog and relax when I got a call from my neighbor.  Her sweet little baby was going into the hospital and she needed me to watch her sweet little boy and watch for her daughter when she got off the bus.  OF COURSE I can!  The boys played all day…. and we all got to pick up Gracie at the bus stop.  Tuesday, the Lord saw it best for me to be a friend.  I love being able to be a friend to others because it always reminds me that I HAVE friends to be a friend to…. and I am SO GRATEFUL for God given friends.

So those were some of the hills along MY road this week…although… “hills” sound somewhat negative… I’ll say those were some new blooming flowers along my path.  I have been praying for the Lord to plan and guide my days… and He has answered my requests… CLEARLY.  What joy I am finding in Him.  That reminds me of a sweet verse in one of my favorite hymns…..

Jesus, I am resting, resting in the joy of what Thou art

I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart

Thou hast bid me gaze upon thee, and Thy beauty fills my soul

For by Thy transforming power, Thou hast made me whole