Ladies, Ladies…All the Ladies!!

“Play something pretty, Jenny,” my dad would occasionally come into the living room as I was practicing for my piano lessons after dinner and request.

something pretty.  hmmm. I remember there was something honoring when my daddy would ask me to play for him.  I would most always pull out something that I knew very well.  Something that was soft and soothing.  He’d sit in his chair just adjacent from our shiny grand piano perfectly placed in a bay window, and I’d play.  I loved it when he would ask me to play. 

I was young.  I had no money nor did I even know how much my piano lessons costs.  I didn’t understand then, what I do now, the sacrifice it was for my mother to drive me twice a week sometimes to my lessons.  I couldn’t comprehend then, what I do now, the money that was involved in furthering the pursuit of my gifts which my parents so willingly and happily and freely gave.  All I knew then, was that it seemed to please them when I played.  I knew I could offer them that.  The fruit of my work.  Regretfully, I can’t say that I was always grateful then, as I am now, but something inside me enjoyed playing for them.  Dad would sit glancing over an architecture magazine while Mom clanged the pans together in the kitchen as she cleaned up after dinner and I would play…… something pretty.

I don’t know what made me think about this today.  I suppose I was walking and listening to an Andrew Peterson song.  His lyrics went like this…

So let me sing for the love
Let me love for the lost
Let me lose all I have
For what I found on the cross
Let me trust you with my life
Let me live to give you praise
Lord, let me praise you
For the grace by which I’m saved
Lord, let me sing

I thought about what it means to sing for my Lord.  I don’t know how to thank Him for His many gifts.  I mean, I don’t even know where to begin.  This year alone is exploding in mercies HE has extended us.  Everyday He pours out His blessings.  Even the hard days my cup is overflowing for He sustains me through them.  I have nothing great I may offer back to Him.  nothing but the very life He’s given me.

I suppose this was Paul’s realization at the end of Romans chapter 11 and the beginning of 12, eh?

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!  For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His couselor?  Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again?  For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.  To Him be the glory forever. Amen.  Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.  (Romans 12:1)

We can give our lives.  We can exchange our doubts and our fears for an ever-trusting, never swerving faith, right?  We can become servants.  We can serve our ONE Lord and not be enslaved by our MANY worries and our what ifs or our why me’s?  We can humbly relinquish our lives and entrust them to our Maker.  This is what we have to offer.  This is our song. … our spiritual act of worship.

I imagine He loves to hear us play our “pretty pieces” for Him.  I know He asks for them.  Everyday He longs for our music.  I think about the honor I felt bringing joy to my parents.  Can you imagine bringing joy to your Maker!!  Lord, let me sing.  My life is your song.  Oh Father give us ALL songs that glorify you and exalt Your Name! 

I can see my sweet Will last year at his little church choir recital singing and doing sign language to this precious song.  I cried the whole way through it.  So simple, yet such a precious perfect prayer.  It is my prayer tonight and tomorrow and the rest of this week.  I lift my life, Lord.  May it be soothing in your ears.

i love you, Lord

and I lift my voice

to worship you

oh my soul rejoice

take joy my King

in what you hear

may it be a sweet, sweet sound

in your ear.

“Mommy, do you know why elephants have such big ears?”  No.  “Because they ARE SO BIG!  They have to fit their body!!”  Oh, that makes sense.

A now happy Josh was talking a mile a minute on his Carousel ride at the mall this morning.  We went up to do our annual Fall shoe shopping and all he had talked about was riding the elephant on the Carousel.  Chris and I eyed each other as he kept talking about the animal, the ONE elephant, he was going to hop on while we stood in line with only ONE little girl in front of us.  Chris looked at me and said those famous last words.. “what are the odds.” 

Well they were not in our favor.  The little girl ran straight to the elephant.  I watched Josh stop dead in his tracks and completely unravel emotionally. 

Hmm.  What to do.  I know.  We’ll wait.  We’ll just wait for the next go around.

Josh seemed fine with this.  He understood that he only had one token.  One token equaled One Ride.  However, the very sweet man working the ride found compassion and told Josh he could ride again.

I saw Chris getting on again and didn’t understand why until he said, “the Carousel worker has had mercy on Josh!”

Once it came to a complete stop Josh and I raced to the elephant.  Proudly he climbed on up.  “No, Mommy,  I can do it all by myself!”

“Mommy, that was so very nice of that man to let me ride two times.”

“I know, ” I said, “he showed you mercy.  He felt sad for you and had compassion and gave you something you didn’t deserve.  God does that for us.”

“Oh, so that’s what mercy is like,”  he said.  “We should thank him.”

“Yes, we will, Josh.”

How good our Lord is to us.  I needed to be reminded of that today.  This is His mercy.  He looks down and His heart is moved with compassion for His children.  He doesn’t have to forgive us, but He does.  He didn’t have to send his Son, but He did.  Praise be to our Great God full of mercy who gives more than we deserve.  We had a great day as a family today.  The weather was beautiful today and we stayed out until 7:30 this evening just running races in our front yard.  My heart is full and my cup overflows with gratitude.

so that’s what mercy is like……we should thank Him.

I don’t even know where to begin with this week.  or my life for that matter.  Things are just crazy.  Then again, you moms out there, ya’ll can’t relate.  Right?  (hehe)  But this week has been long.  It’s been tiring.  It’s been draining and trying.  I haven’t had a week like this since Chris was in residency.  I had forgotten what it was like to reach those “breaking points” literally.  I believe at one point I just walked into my bedroom, closed the door and started screaming into a pillow.  Oh, if my pillows could talk.  sheesh!  I’m just being real with ya’ll.  That’s how bad it’s been.   I’m ashamed and humbled and broken.  This must be where God likes to bring me.  Keeping me ever present on my knees before Him.  I just wish it didn’t take THIS to keep me there.

This morning was a breath of fresh air.  Chris stayed home most of the morning and I was able to get out and go for a long walk.  It was hot.  It was overcast and very deceiving.  I just knew it would cool and crisp.  Nope.  As thick as the clouds lining the sky was the humidity.  Nothing moved except my legs trying to pull me through the dense air.  But it’s good to sweat, right?  And God is good, right?  I was reminded of this by a gentle breeze to my back as I turned the corner making my return home.  I stopped and turned in the direction of the wind.  Ah!  So refreshing.  So cooling.  A much needed relief- and a thought occurred to me.  You know, life is hot and humid.  It’s dense and cloudy.  It’s sticky and heavy at times.  But God does send breezes.  Although some brief, they are there.  What a gift.  Do I stop and turn toward the direction of that wind?  I thought about how difficult my week has been and thought about the little ‘breezes’ that He had given over it’s course.  I saw the expression on Will’s face when he wrote his 5, 6, and 7 perfectly.  I remembered rocking Emma Faye to sleep and listening to her sing Jesus Loves Me with me, moving me to tears.  I recalled Josh helping me clean the kitchen and offering to play with Emma Faye while I did a lesson with Will.  Those were my gentle breezes.  Did I stop and enjoy them?  Did I recognize them as gifts?

What are your breezes?  Look for them.  They are there on this long, hot walk of “mommyhood.”  Stop and turn in their direction.  Whether they be accepting an invitation to play soldiers with your own little men, or having a tea party with your little lady.  Or having a dinner by candlelight with your husband, or answering a call from a dear friend.  God sends us our breeze.  Turn toward it dear friends and find your rest.  Let it cool your face, ready your heart, and restore you on to your destination.  Keep on, keeping on, but make time for the breezes.

I don’t know if I’m comforted by this verse more today because I can’t seem to get rid of this sinus/coughing thing I’ve had over the past several weeks, or that my best friend’s little boy is now battling leukemia, or that my dear friend is struggling in a divorce, or what the deal is with the health-care plan and all the government rumors.  Or maybe the fact that I’m just hormonal and down because it’s drawing near to that time of the month for me.  I don’t know!  I just know those five little words brought me to tears this morning. 

It just gives us an ending point to all of the awful things that happen in life.  It just promises that what we long for in our hearts (the happy ending), that in Christ, we get that.  We are PROMISED it.

I dwell on a high and holy place, and also with the contrite and lowly of spirit in order to revive the spirit of the lowly…. (Isaiah 57:15)

Where else is there a King who desires to dwell with his lowly?  I’m glad HE is high, because I am often low.  I’m glad HE is holy, because I am wretched.  I’m glad HE desires me because there are days I don’t desire Him, yet I need Him every second.  I’m glad I may look for Him, and He will be found.  I’m glad I may pray for healing, and I WILL BE healed.

I’m always praying for wisdom.  I know the beginning of all wisdom is to fear the Lord.  I know that in His word is great wisdom.  So I’m always praying and longing for Him to fill me with wisdom.  There are so many lessons I’ve learned that I wished I had known “back then.”  But I know all of this is a process.  A process towards holiness.

Tonight as I was preparing dinner, I heard the all familiar plea, “Mommy, can I help you?”  Ugh, I thought.  Isn’t that awful.  It’s just that I can get things done so much quicker without little fingers and hands all in my way.  But praise be to God’s grace who extended patience to my heart and I found a station for my sweet Josh to park himself: snapping the green beans.  It took one demonstration and he went right to work and did a very excellent job, I might add!  I thought about how the night before how I watched him crack perfectly two eggs for our blueberry muffins.  I remembered all of the “not so perfect” attempts and egg yokes EVERYWHERE.  And here he had finally achieved the skill of cracking an egg.  I thought to myself, what’s the big deal.  Why NOT let him help me.  Why not let them make their messes.  Eventually they will learn, but they can only learn if we let them try.

I felt like that was a little voice of the wisdom I so crave from my Lord.  I felt so humbled and grateful that He decided to give me a go at raising children before I was ready.  He’s watched me make my share of mess ups.  He’s had to clean up SO MANY egg yoke spills and though I am FAR FAR from any sort of perfection, I do see how He is stirring my pot and cooking something beautiful in my heart.

As we stood, side by side in our little kitchen snapping together, a little voice interrupted our silence.  “I love you, Mommy.  Am I a good cooker like you?”  “Yes, Josh you are.”

Yes God is cooking something beautiful here.  And what is so amazing is that God uses BOTH of our “dishes” to feed each other, both mother and son, with the bountiful blessings He’s provided.  May we all relish our days and our minutes we are given with each other and ask ourselves the why nots instead of exclaiming the not now’s.