Ladies, Ladies…All the Ladies!!

Had one of those Sunday mornings, here.  I am just foul today.  Everyone who knows me knows what that means.  I’ve been trying to pray through it all.  I was angry this morning.  Actually, Emma Faye is about to wear me out.  She’s more than I can handle these days; screaming about EVERYTHING and standing at the door CONSTANTLY crying to go outside (while it’s been pouring rain.)  I literally almost just put her out in the rain one day, I was so fatigued of it all. 

Chris and I tag-teamed it at church today.  He will be out of town next weekend and I am singing in church and HAVE to be able to take the kids, so I didn’t want Emma Faye in the nursery.  She is finally getting better from last week.  So he went to the first service and then me and the boys went to the second.  I found myself standing alone once again in worship.  I didn’t feel lonely, just tired.  Tired of the day-in-day outs.  I get this way sometimes.  I know it will pass.  I just needed to be in prayer today. 

“Your grace is enough, your grace is enough, your grace is enough for me”

We were singing this song again today.  It’s one of my favorites.  I kept thinking… “even enough for my anger this morning?  even enough to cover all of my sighs with my children and grunts with every sock I put on and shoe I fastened?  Enough for all of that, Lord?  Is it really enough?”  It really is enough.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Just enough.  So today I’m trying to be enough.  Enough to be kind to my children.  Enough to meet the needs of my husband.  I don’t have it in me to go over and beyond, today.  But in Christ, I have enough to bring Him glory, even in my tiredness and grumpiness.

Jesus, come and walk the halls of this house
Tread this place and turn it inside out
With Your mercy…
Jesus, teach us the prayers that open these doors
Until Your light floods in and illuminates these floors
And let Your truth be on our steps and in these rooms
Jesus invade… 

                                                                                           –watermark

I’ve been singing this song today.  I love the group, Watermark.  It is really spirit-filled, good christian music (sadly, sometimes the phrase good christian music is hard to come by).  Anyway, I’ve just been dwelling on this song today… and I’m mostly focused on the word “invade.” 

I am loving reading through the Old Testament.  I know I will equally, if not MORE, enjoy the New Testament.  But, right now I am basking in the relationships between God and man.  Wow!  At times I envy their conversations.  I would love to receive in my hands something penned by God himself as Moses reached for the Tablets of the Ten Commandments.  I would love to hear my name and wander through the night trying to figure out who was calling me only to realize it was God speaking my name as Samuel recalled.  I long for that supernatural experience that so many prophets and faithful servants of our King experienced on a daily basis.  But wait, I still do.  I still can.

“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.”  Rev. 1:8

God, you are still the same.  You still work out our lives.  You still remember us.  You still care for us.  You still shepherd us; from Genesis to Revelation.  You are amazing, God!  Why are we often blind to your miracles and deaf to your voice when you are still working all of these in our world?  How may we obtain that supernatural relationship?  Obtaining such is in sustaining our faith.  Ok, so I ask, “What sustains our faith?”

I think I’m learning that faith grown is faith sown.  My faith in Christ can only grow upon a faith I’ve cast out.  A faith I’ve chosen to stand upon.  A faith I’ve had to plant in the firm foundations of scripture and the truths I’ve come to know about our great God.  It is through those times… when all I’ve HAD is faith, I’ve seen Christ work the miracles.  Because, honestly, at the time, He is all I had to look at.  I was watching for Him.  I have never missed Him in those times.  Thus, a snowball affect.  From Faith, I’ve seen God….upon seeing God, my faith is renewed and strengthened.  I think I’m gradually learning what Paul is REALLY saying in Romans 5 “…but we exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”  (v. 3-5).  For those in Christ, God promises to pour into us as we are being poured out in our suffering.  It’s a promise AND a faith sustainer.  When we allow Him to pour into our hearts, we are purified and blessed amidst our trial.  Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.  (Matt. 5:8).  Therein lies our supernatural, face to face experience with Jesus.  Here is where we see our Ancient of Days as all those before us saw Him.  Is wanting anything easier in our life than the valley He has brought us down worth missing this?

I’ve been reading through 1 Samuel and I’ve been praying for faith like David.  A few days ago I found myself in the most familiar story of David and Goliath.  “Who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should taunt the armies of the living God?……..You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, who you have taunted…….the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the Lord’s and He will give you into our hands.” (1 Sam. 17:26,45,47).  Oh to have this assurance of our Lord ALL the time.  To know WHO we are dealing with and WHOSE we are!  If you know Christ as your Lord and Savior, YOU ARE A CHILD OF OUR KING!  Have you forgotten?  He hasn’t.  We are fighting battles daily.  Because David was going out to battle, Saul suited him up in armor TOO heavy for him.  David opted to use a simple sling, five smooth stones and a giant-size faith.  God has created us uniquely different.  What armor fits one will not fit the other.  However, FAITH is a one size fits all.  My heart pours out to those walking through difficulty right now.  Honestly, I’m having trouble seeing my computer screen.  My eyes are filling with tears.  As I said earlier, we are fighting battles daily.  It isn’t easy.  It isn’t comfortable.  It’s painful.  But they aren’t our battles.  They are the Lord’s.  We have a warrior and He’s equipped with more than a sling and a few rocks.  And He’s real and He’s fighting for us.  He’s fighting FOR US!  Why do I love that Watermark song?  Because it says, “Jesus INVADE”.  All too often we forget that our Savior is not a gentle giant.  He is so powerful and strong that every knee will bow at His mere name.  When we ask Him to be a part of our lives, He is swift.  He moves in and transforms.   He tears down, but He builds up.  He places first the last, and those poor become rich.  Oh Jesus invade our lives.  Turn us upside down and inside out.  Though painful it may be, in the end, your glory we will see! 

Show us your glory, Lord, in these hard times.  Use our suffering to strengthen our faith that we may see YOU and be able to stand before our own giants wearing nothing more than the full armor of our Lord!

“Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” 

Ephesians 6:14-17

I am sitting once again in my kitchen watching the rain drizzling a little outside.  It’s almost 8am.  Why I feel the need to sit down and blog is completely nuts being that I have Josh to get ready for school, Emma Faye hasn’t even woken up yet, AND the boys are not even dressed.  Yet, we are ok.  I hear their sweet little voices playing so nicely upstairs in the playroom. 

Yesterday while playing outside Josh asked to come in because it was “too windy.”  I suppose it was a little windy, but I wouldn’t think wind would deter a little boy from playing outside?  As I glance outside at our drenched backyard, I am suddenly reminded of those phrases that describe the spring months.  You know…”windy March”  and that little saying “April showers bring May flowers.”  I am so thankful how God created this world.  There is order to everything.  The wind spreads the pollen and the seeds.  The rain soaks the ground to water them.  The gentle warmth of May’s sunshine provides the perfect temperature for them to grow.  It’s just beautiful.  So I guess today that is what I’m dwelling on:  our need for the wind and the rain.  We need them all in that order for our flowers to grow….  and we need them every year.  I desire, this morning, to welcome the weather in my life.  I can’t wait to see the garden in my “May.”

It’s been a really LONG time since I’ve written.  I’ve been in “processing mode” I suppose.  I just never want this blog to be a  mask of my real self.  My sinful self.  I’m rotten to the core.  I’m selfish.  I’m easily angered.  I lose control of my tongue.  I’m NOT spiritual; if anything I say ministers to you,  I can only boast in my Lord Jesus Christ.  It was HIM speaking truth into your life- not me.

 I’ve had a long day, but a great weekend.  It’s just been a thoughtful day for me.  Emma Faye has been sick.  I heard Josh calling for me this evening in the bathroom and found him standing over the toilet questioning, “What do ya think, Mommy.  Looks like diarrhea to me.  I bet I’m getting sick.”  (and he probably is.)  But these things aren’t what has me reflective.  It’s just everything, really.

This weekend I had the pleasure of seeing Slumdog Millionare with a dear friend.  That movie had such an impact on me.  I can’t get the sentence, “It is written” out of my mind… and heart.  You see, I am just so excited about the lives of my children.  I am so excited to see how God will use mine and Chris’s influences to sculpt their little lives, but I’m most excited about what God is going to do on His OWN in their hearts apart from anything I could ever encourage.  For “it is written” in His book their days.  Our names are written on His hands.  He has created us for works that he has prepared beforehand for us to walk in.  It is written for me, already.  And it is written for them.  I’m not trying to get all “Middle Eastern Religion” on you or anything.  I don’t find God’s Sovereignty something confining, but freeing.  We ALL have a God given destiny.  It’s just beautiful.  And all of us are going to have seasons where we feel like we’ve been plunged into a sewer, or we’ve been starved for love, or we’ve gone hungry.  We’ve been poor.  We’ve been fed and we’ve become rich.  We’ve felt left for dead.  We’ve taken hits to our bodies, our egos, and from our loved ones.  But all of these horrific or miraculous events have chiseled our story.  At times it’s felt like a gentle molding of clay, while others it was as if God, Himself, took a jackhammer and began blasting away at our lives.  But it was all to bring us where we are sitting right this moment…which, for me, is right here in the middle of my kitchen in the silence on a Monday night.  There is significance in this day.  It’s a part of His story of my life.

I love a great story.  I think that’s why this movie will forever be up there with Little Women, Star Wars, anything Jane Austen, I could go on and on.  However, we are a part of THE greatest story: Our lives glorifying the Lord.  Where most stories will conclude with a “The End”, ours never will.  Through Christ we have an epic that continues throughout eternity.  Perhaps these seasons in our hearts are mere chapters in this journey.  Perhaps when we draw our last breath, here on this earth, our lives will have only been the preface to this amazing novel as we turn the page and step into a NEW WORLD with a NEW BODY, FOREVER living alongside our Savior.  It’s just amazing and I’m truly inspired and in awe by what God has already done in my life and the lives of my family and what He is waiting to do.

My kids and I have a lot of deep conversations while swinging on the swings.  I have no idea why this has become a safe vessel of communication for them, but it has, and I’m thankful.  Bowing back and staring up at the clouds, Will began talking about heaven.  Josh chimed in his thoughts as well.  After much questioning from my side in order to grasp their understanding of heaven, Will responded with this:

“Oh, I know Jesus already, Mommy.  He’s in my heart.  One day while I was playing in room time I prayed and said, ‘Jesus, Come, Come.  Come into my heart.’” (By now he had stopped swinging just long enough to make a beckoning motion with his right hand as he said the words come.)

Like I said, I’m humbled and in awe of our great God.  And I’m excited to see what He has written for us …because I know it is ALL apart of using our unimportant, insignificant, daily ins and outs to bring GLORY to Him and further HIS KINGDOM and it’s not on me to see that it gets accomplished.  What God has ordained, I can’t screw it up!  THIS is what I mean by His sovereignty being so freeing.  Goodnight to all and enjoy your sleep in the sweet moments of the ”now.” 

I went out full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.

(Ruth 1:21)

Out of context, I would say I’ve been here.  I’ve had those times when I just felt like the good Lord started raining on my life.  However, I haven’t been where Naomi had been.  I haven’t lost my husband and my two sons.  I have a husband.  I have TWO sons.  It just really hit home with me this morning.  I somehow am attracted to Naomi’s honesty.  “Do not call me Naomi [pleasant], call me Mara [bitter], for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me.”  I would be bitter. 

However, Christ always works things in a seemingly upside-down fashion, doesn’t He?  I mean death is reversed.  Foolishness is Wisdom.  Being last is being first.  One loses a life in order to gain one.  It’s all, shall I say, backwards?  I personally have not dealt with great tragedy, but I know people who have.  I’ve see them rendered empty.  But it was through their emptiness that they were made full. 

This morning I emptied out a plant container filled with nasty, old water.  The stench was bothering me.  I rinsed it out and filled it with fresh water.  Perhaps today you went out full.  Maybe your morning started off to a great start but gradually your day has taken a turn for the worse.  Maybe you need some fresh water or worse, you’re empty.   If the Lord’s brought you back empty, perhaps He’s ready to fill you with something better.  Drink a new word from His scriptures today.  What God empties, He desires to pour into more of Himself.  Don’t be discouraged.  Embrace your empty pot.  God uses empty pots!