Ladies, Ladies…All the Ladies!!

Wanted to share some new pictures.  These are some from Christmas up until today.  We all went to the Circus with some of our sweet friends.  Have a great rest of the weekend.

“Hungry I run to you for I know you satisfy

I am empty but I know your love does not run down“

I was laughing as I heard Will singing this song in the playroom this morning.  He replaced the lyrics run dry… with run down.  I am so exhausted this morning.  It’s so mentally and emotionally draining for me to keep my children quiet while my husband is trying to sleep.  I get so frustrated.  It’s actually harder than our normal days at home.  I just get so stressed when I know that he has to go in tonight to work another night shift and he just worked one the night before.  I can’t imagine how tired he must be, so I try my best to keep the kids quiet.  Does anyone have any pointers on how to keep two little boys and one 18 month little girl quiet during the day?  I’d LOVE some input.  (Ha!)

With all that said, I feel run down.  It’s Saturday.  It’s been a long week and I’m just so thankful that I have a God who never gets “run down.”  I have a God whose well never runs dry.  I’m thirsty today; parched is more like it.  I think sometimes we forget that in Christ we aren’t living in a desert.  We have an oasis and it costs nothing but a willing heart. 

I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.  I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.  (Revelation 21:6)

Come.  And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take the water of life without cost.  (Revelation 22:17)

Bring your cups, ladies.  I’m bringing a bucket.  Drink from the spring of the water of life.  Be refreshed this day and bathe in His word.

Mmmmmm.  It’s dark and rainy outside today.  My boys are attending their little pre-school classes and Emma Faye is sleeping presently.  Her cold really makes her need a morning nap.  So, I’m relaxing this morning.. laundry, coffee, emailing, and yes, blogging.  I’ve been getting to bed earlier these days and waking up early enough to have some great time with the Lord.  Right now, I’m doing the Beth Moore.. Esther study.  I’m really enjoying it.  However, today I’m parked on the sovereignty of God.

“Then the King’s attendants, who served him, said, “Let beautiful young virgins be sought for the king.  Let the king appoint overseers in all the provinces of his kingdom that they may gather every beautiful young virgin to the citadel of Susa, to the harem…….Then let the young lady who pleases the king be queen….. And the matter pleased the king and he did accordingly.”  Esther 2: 2-4

I read this and just had to sit here.  Having a daughter this just really hit home with me.  I became so angered.  Why God?  Why would you take these precious women and essentially force them to be raped and perhaps thrown aside if they didn’t “please the king”?  It all just seemed awful. …. of course Esther was among these women.  It just didn’t seem… shall I say it… fair.

Isn’t that issue?  Why would our great and loving God cause awful things to happen that seem to have no purpose?  God wouldn’t allow things like random car accidents…..random murders….divorce…fallen children….addictions.  God couldn’t possibly have His hand in THOSE things…or could He?  I think we forget that our God has not changed His manner of working in our lives.  I think we forget when we read the stories of the Old Testament that we have the advantage those men and women didn’t…. we can turn ahead a few pages and see the purpose in it all…we know the ending.  And OUR few pages sometimes represent YEARS of time!  I love how this weekend on the women’s retreat that the speaker quoted…”If you can find the point at which God’s sovereignty meets human choice you would be the fourth member of the trinity.”  I found that so powerful.  We just aren’t going to understand it all…but we can’t believe only the parts we want to believe in scripture.  ALL scripture is God-breathed.  I challenge you to really pray through this.  When horrible.. horrible things happen in our lives…God IS A PART OF THAT!!  What else do we have if we don’t believe that?  What is the point if we can’t stand on His promises to us?  If all of the bible is truth…then we truly ARE “His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”  (Ephesians 2: 10)  And whatever horrid thing that plagues our lives.. are for OUR good… a good that we may never comprehend this side of heaven… if it weren’t, our God is a liar?

My friends, search the scriptures……  let us not pick and choose which passages we will claim as truth and those we refuse to acknowledge.  Praise the Lord we have a Just, Loving God.  Because He is Just…He must receive atonement for sin.  Because He loves us… He sent Jesus to be our Savior…to render us blameless and holy before Him so we could come into His presence and KNOW HIM.  It’s amazing.  This is our God! 

“There is no one besides Me.  I am the Lord, and there is no other, The One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity;  I am the Lord who does all these.”  Isaiah 45:7

Let this be an encouragement.  Our God holds all things together (Colossians 1:17).  He will hold Me together when things get difficult and trust He will hold YOU.  And He will do it in such a way as Moses asked “Show Me Your Glory”… we will see it.  He is faithful.  But unlike Moses who “used to put a veil over his face so that the sons of Israel would not look intently at the end of what was fading away….that veil is removed in Christ.  But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.”  2 Corinthians 3:13-18.

He is able, my friends.  Whatever you think you could not endure.. He is able.  This is my prayer.. on blessed days and Lord forbid.. tragic days… that I will continue to stand firm on His promises…. His promises to be enough for me.. to be sufficient and that He “is able to keep [me] from stumbling, and to make [me] stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy” Jude 1:24.

I don’t have long to write tonight.  I’m pooped.  After an amazing weekend leading worship in Hilton Head for the East Cooper Women’s retreat, I returned to ear infections… snotty noses.. and goopey eyes.  Ah.. welcome back, I say.  BUT it’s been a sweet time for us today.  I was thinking Saturday night as I was walking to the conference center how thankful I am for these little opportunities to use my gifts.  I was reminded how for so long there was a complete absence of music in my life.  I suppose I was just overwhelmed with being a mother of three little ones.  Then again… I also remember thinking how miserable I was at first… how angered I was that God had “taken away” my dreams and sort of “shut down” my musical endeavors.  For so long I cried out to my Lord… “Where is my place? If it’s not music, then what, God?  Who am I supposed to be?”  So many years I cried over this phrase.  On faith, I got up every morning and fulfilled as best to my ability my new calling of being a wife and mother.  On faith, I trusted that Christ was enough for me… and I didn’t need music in my life.  By Faith… little by little.. I realized that I am not defined by the success of my “gifts’… but only by Christ my Lord and Savior.  And little by little.. this and ONLY this was what provided pure and lasting joy. 

So as I was walking in that misty air on Saturday night, I thanked God for this little gift.  These little opportunities He has returned to me all for my pleasure.  What joy it brings me to sing about all Christ has done in my life.  I’m singing from a new place.  I stand alone in Christ– not “Jenny the musician.. or singer”.  He is all that I need and He IS enough.  The only thing we truly cannot live without is Christ, Jesus.  If your expectations are not being met right now.. or you have a need that isn’t being met and you think you can’t survive without it… you can.  Turn your heart over to Jesus.  Let Him be your satisfaction… let Him be your joy….by Faith.. walk in obedience to His calling for you right now. 

I enjoy my gifts.. but truly I can say “it is well with my soul” should I never have another opportunity to lead worship or have another song flow out from the depths of my heart.  There were some difficult years….but I am thankful for God disciplining me and keeping my heart and my identity where it belongs!

Tonight I tucked in my sweet little Josh.  He always asks me for “songs and stories.”  I finished up his book and then sang a gentle “Jesus loves Me.”  After I finished, his chocolate eyes looked up at me while he whispered..”Mommy, you’re a good singer.” 

AAHHHH.  No greater compliment in my book other than coming from Jesus, himself.  All I can say is that God knows what He’s doing, people.  Walk by faith and be obedient.  He KNOWS what He’s doing.  Trust Him!

“Ok, let’s have a look.  Can ya open wide for me big guy?” asked our jolly pediatric dentist Wednesday morning.  Several weeks ago Will had a little tumble and hit his front tooth.  He had not been complaining of any pain, but the tooth was now pretty discolored and well… as my mom would call it…I had one of those “mommy gut” feelings that it should be checked out before I headed out this weekend to do a women’s retreat.

“Oh, yeah… yeah that’s pretty dark.  Yeah.. that’s gotta come out.”

(Ok, freeze…. what?  Like come out, come out!!!!!!  You mean pull it out today—right NOW!!!  Like gas and shots?!!?!?!?!?)

“Really.”  This was what I actually said.  At least I think that’s what I said.  I replied whilst my brain was still freaking out.  Will and I BOTH don’t deal well with sudden changes…new plans….  He even asked me on the way..”Mommy what are they going to do.. are they going to do anything?”  See, I know what he was doing… it’s the same thing I do to my poor Chris… and to my Doctors… “Ok.. tell me everything.. what are you doing.. tell me when you are getting ready to prick me and count to three before you actually do it!”  Will was preparing up. 

So here I was knowing good and well what this procedure would entail and watching my precious little boy oblivious to all of it.  I was at a crossroads… I had to make a choice…..

“The Lord is my strength and song.   And He has become my salvation; This is my God, and I will praise Him;  My father’s God, and I will extol Him.  The Lord is a warrior; The Lord is His name.”  Exodus 15:2-3

This is my God was actually the part of this passage that came to my heart.  I do not believe in coincidences.  I’m siding with Beth Moore when she states…”Coincidences are the times God decided to remain anonymous.”  That morning my bible reading was Exodus 14-16.  It was all about the parting of the Red Sea.  I know we are all familiar with that story…but it never ceases to amaze me with every reading.  I began to panic in that dentist office… I became fearful as they placed the gas mask on Will’s face… as I saw the massive needle resting on the tray.  PANIC!  And the words…This is my God…..again.  “God you parted the Red Sea…You went ahead of the armies and fought their battle …..I remembered Exodus 14:14  “The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent.”  Fight for Will, God.  This is My God…..and I remained calm and silent.

Now, I know this was just a very minor thing.  I know that.  But it was difficult at the time.  I had Emma Faye with me.  It just wasn’t what I was planning for my morning… for three days before I was to leave for the weekend.  Satan wanted me to give in to my worries and not stand on the promises I know to be true of my Lord.  He is my strength, my song, my salvation, and my warrior.  I will praise Him.

Once it was over, I was amazed at how well Will did.  He was so brave.  I think we ALL needed to see how brave he could be.. even Will, himself.  He was so proud.  When God is fighting for us..the battle he has laid before us….we will triumph.  This upcoming year is going to present for me many battles.  Chris and I have made the decision to homeschool Will for kindergarten.  I am extremely fearful.  But I KNOW that God wants this for us.  Right now I so relate to the people of Israel.  I, too, feel like I’m being lead out into a wilderness… desolate of patience… barren of knowledge and creativity…. and dry of endurance.  The enemy is chasing behind me as the Egyptians… trying to fatigue and discourage me.  I, too, feel trapped at the seashore.  But as God made a way for the Israelites.. He, too, will make a way for me…for my family.  I smiled when I first saw that giant gap where his front tooth is missing.  I know this sounds odd.. but I pictured the parting of that Red Sea.. and God’s people walking right through the center of those ocean walls.  I don’t know when Will’s permanent tooth will come in, but I prayed right then and there that this gap would remind me that no matter how difficult this year may get… no matter how many battles Will and I are going to have… that as I glance upon the sweet face of my firstborn.. I will be reminded that God will make a way.  And I realized… sometimes the missing pieces in our lives… the ‘holes’…the things we feel God has pulled out from under us…. are actually His way of providing A WAY.  Sometimes He walks you around the usual roads… sometimes He places you in a boat and sails you across choppy waters… or sometimes… .sometimes He just splits the ocean right in two and ushers you down the aisle on dry land.

The Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth?  Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind?  Is it not I, the Lord?  Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say.

Exodus 4:11-12