Ladies, Ladies…All the Ladies!!

I have no idea if I will be able to write at all this week… we have been so busy with sick and packing and friends. Good..stuff.. (well, not the sick part)… but sometimes these breaks mean that we have been busy being a family and spending time with friends.. and for THAT I am not regretful for blogging less.. HOWEVER.. I really want to write soon… maybe tonight.. we’ll see.. just wanted to wish EVERYONE a Happy Thanksgiving. Oh and one more thing….

I was watching “Super Nanny” one night and was really touched by a particular episode dealing with a family and divorce. The husband was the only one who wanted the divorce.. the wife wanted to work things out. Anyway… they needed to explain this to the children in terms they would understand… I watched that Daddy look into the eyes of his teary -eyed boy after asking his daddy why he was leaving their home and this was his response…”Well, sweetie.. Daddy loves you.. but see, Daddy has spent a long time pleasing everyone else but himself and Daddy needs to do some things for Daddy.” I just sobbed. Wow. I’m not judging him…I’m not judging marriages that end in divorce except for the fact that it’s so sad and hurts everyone. I so wish that this Daddy could have been more “others” centered in his heart. I was telling Chris.. “you know, if he stays HE is the only one who “dies”….when he leaves…there are “three casualties”"….just a simple lesson in honor and courage.

Anyway.. I was moved by his response to his son. You know… we really have to break everything down into simplest terms for our children to understand “adult” concepts. When he broke it down… as to why he wanted a divorce…what was the main reason?….. “to please himself”. This week I’ve been thinking about the mornings I’ve gotten up in a grumpy mood. Why am I angry? In simplest terms…”I went to bed too late and am mad that my children wake up early…they wake up at the same time everyday… THIS I can prepare for”….it really helps me look realistically at my heart. Adults try to pile on all of this extra “reasoning and feeling” behind our very simple issues…we’re tired, we’re selfish…we’re jealous…we’re worried…I could go on forever. Perhaps.. just perhaps this is what Jesus meant when he said…

Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.

(Mark 10:14-15)

I have SO much that I want to write, but Time is continuing to occupy my hands and mind.  However, I’ve a quick minute and I just wanted to leave you all with a conversation I had with my sweet little “strong-willed” Will.

With tears in his eyes Will cried after having found yet another “note” in his book bag from school.  I’m not going to sit here and justify his behavior… BUT I will say… it’s hard being a four-year old boy in a class of rowdy four-year old boys.  This is our problem.  And it’s hard not to join in…..it’s hard being 32 and not “joining in” with the rest of “my class”….society.  I really feel like God’s given Chris and me the ability to recognize this and extend a little grace to our firstborn. 

I wasn’t going to mention the note that I knew was in his bag until we got home.  I had already had the conversation with his teacher… and I was already prepared to bestow a lesser punishment.  However, Will wanted to see for himself and when he saw the bright neon green “Oopsie Note” he started sobbing.  “I’m sorry Mom… I’m so sorry.. I tried so hard.  Mommy, I’m so sorry!!!”

I gently hugged him and helped him in his seat.  “We will talk about this when we get home.. it’s ok,”  I tried to assure.

Will was silent.  He cheery disposition had changed since his discovery.  After some time to think, I suppose… he was ready to talk.

“Mommy.”

“Yes, Will”

“I forgot how much God loves me.”

“What does that mean, Will?”  I asked.

“When I’m at school and I want to hit or push, I think about how much God loves me and it helps me not do it.”

By this time, my own tears were making it hard for me to see the road.  “Me, too Will.”  That’s all I said and we continued home while Andrew Peterson’s “Invisible God” played through the car stereo.

I don’t think I have to go into a long essay to drive my point home today on why we should have the glory and work accomplished at Calvary in the forefront of our hearts and minds.  I just know that when I think about how much God loves me….the great lengths he went to rescue me….I, too, am able to withstand my temptations to fret and worry and be fearful.  God loves us so much…..He’s got things in control.  Everyday I’m more and more assured.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

(Hebrews 12:1-3)

Is it really finally Friday?  Wow!  Where has this week gone?  Chris is on a GREAT month this month and we’ve just been “being a family.” These months take a while for us to settle into a routine, but I think we’ve got one working now.  There have been SO MANY times this week when I’ve thought…”ooo, I want to write about that… or I’m going to blog this..” and there really hasn’t been the time.  We’ve had some battles, but we’ve had some blessings as well.  However, I think tonight, in my tired state (Will threw up all last night and I think I’m coming down with something…don’t really feel like it’s a stomach thing… just feeling icky)…I’m camped in Proverbs.

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.  (Proverbs 14:1)

I often shift the blame of our “issues” onto my sweet husband.  “You’re in a sour mood and it’s ruining our day.”  Boy, do I have a lot to learn. Hmm… wonder why the man’s in a sour mood?  I’m sure I’m contributing nothing to it…… I’m sure it has nothing to do with MY discontented heart and MY complaining attitude….right?  I honestly am falling in LOVE with my God almighty.  Everything I need is truly written and given to me in this precious book.  I needed to read this today.  I am the builder of my home… and I can be the destroyer of my home.  It’s something to think about…..I so longed to really “write” tonight.. but I’m exhausted…. so I ask you the question that I asked myself today…. “Are you building your home or tearing it down right now?”

1.  Build up your man. —I’m not going to get into politics, but for the sake of my point… no matter who is sitting in that presidency seat… don’t we want them to succeed?  I mean, Obama’s our leader, now… I don’t want him to FAIL?  MY COUNTRY, MY HOME is at stake!  Well, our precious husbands are our leaders, ordained by God, of our home.  Don’t we want them to succeed?  I just kept thinking about this.  Why do I tear down the very HEAD of my home?  It’s shameful the things I’ve done in the past… the things I’ve said…things MEANT to hurt and MEANT to “tear down”…..it only leads to a destruction of HIM, of his work… his role as father to my children….his relationship with me as my husband, and his relationship with Christ.  All of these things suffer when I am tearing my man down instead of building him up.

2.  Build up your kids. — A very wise woman told me recently that whenever we started having children… THOSE children become our ministry…. they SHOULD be our priority.  I have so often “sat the fence” on this whole concept…”your children can’t run your life”….”you need Mommy Time!!”  “You need a break!”…. I mean, as most things in moderation.. I think it IS nice to get a break… but God has given us children.. HIS children.. to raise…to build them up upon the foundations of HIS truths and in His word.  Am I building up my kids in Christ?  Am I making TIME for them to most importantly see these truths played out in my OWN life.  I am learning (the hard, LONG way) that being a walking, living, breathing example of a follower of Christ is a means to build them up in Christ.  Please notice I said “an example of a followerof Christ”…..I can’t be Christ to them… I’m TOO flawed.. but as a follower.. I am able to humble myself before them in MY OWN mistakes, ask forgiveness from them in my errors and constantly explain to them MY OWN need for Jesus.  Perfection…we will NEVER obtain until we meet him face to face.  I don’t want my kids living for perfection or under a “perfect” mother… but for Jesus….broken and maimed.  I was so convicted this past week as we dealt with Will and some disobedient issues at school.  I was focusing SO MUCH on behavior instead of just praying for his heart.  I finally was so disturbed I felt compelled one day as Will was leaving for school to say to him… “Will, I love you no matter how you behave at school.  Good or bad.. I love you just the same.”  They need to know that your love for them is unconditional and Christ’s love even more so.  Build up your kids.

3.  Build up your own heart upon the solid rock of Christ. —There is ALWAYS going to be something going on.  This month has already been filled with sorrows and disappointments for us….. My own home will suffer much storm damage when my own heart is not cemented in God’s word first and foremost…..when I’m not spending time in prayer.  It’s just something that I’ve come to realize and accept.  I regret it has taken me 32 years of my life to grasp this concept….yet even in my late start, I have seen the reward.  There have been so many little battles during specific seasons the Lord as allowed me to reap an early harvest.  I can only testify to the truth of God’s word…. He is ALL He says he is…. and HE is worth your time.  Make time for Him.  Even if that means, as so often in MY case with my little “early risers”, turning the TV on for thirty minutes or so while you find a quiet place to sit, read the bible and pray…..that, my friends, is what I call QUALITY TV time (Ha!)… my pediatric husband even agrees!  (so there…go and be guilt-free!)  You need “Mommy Time?”  Well, make your Mommy Time count and work FOR your family, than against it… INVEST in CHRIST and HIS WORD!

4.  Tear down your fences and be built up in the body of Christ. —- Are you in community?  Did you know that tearing down your fence advances the building of your home?  Who else may come to your aid when you’ve been “injured on the job?”  Who else walks alongside a wounded heart, a tired soul during a struggling marriage, or dealing with a death, or a new baby, or a move, or a disappointment in life?  None other than your community… your friends.  People….please stop believing that everyone else has a perfect life.  They DON’T!  Please find believers to walk with you through life.  Pray for them!  Ask God to send them to you! Allow yourself to be humble before someone… that you may be exalted….. that you may be lifted up in Christ… that you may be encouraged.  I don’t have the ability to read minds… I praise the Lord for friends that are open and real with me so I may know how to pray for them and serve them.  We need each other!  Stop living inside your “beautifully kept” fenced in home…..open it up to others.

I’m sure all of you are MUCH better at this than I am.  I struggle with why our home isn’t running well sometimes, yet fail to really look at my heart and my relationship with the Lord.  I assure you… when I do…I find it is usually not where it needs to be.  I want to build up my home… not tear it down….. I may flood it out with my tears…. but in Christ… and on Christ…it will withstand the tears.   Put your hardhats on, ladies….put your babies in a safe place… get out your tools… and start building……brick by brick!  Love to you all.

Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.  Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him and He will do it.  Psalm 37:3-5

The pages of my bible fell open to these verses as I teary-eyed searched for encouragement this morning.  This week has been difficult.  It seems like we have had one thing after another… little things like coffee makers and washing machines breaking… then bigger things like sleepless nights and disobedience in our children issues… but last night I was forced to come face to face with the looming reality that we could very well not move back to Charleston.  I mean, nothing is for certain… nothing is assured either way.. I just know that God is having me deal with my possessive heart in this area of my life. 

After filling my gut with probably a fatal dose of Halloween candy, I figured nothing better to chase a now sick AND sorrowful tummy but a good cry in a warm bath. As I filled the tub and eased my way in, I began gearing up for my sob session.  I stared at this sunflower picture that after having no other ‘good’ place, somehow ended up directly in front of my tub.  I stare at it a lot.  I remember where it hung in our tiny little home in Charleston.  Home.  The very thought of this word sent me straight to tears.

“God, I just don’t feel like this is home.  Please God!  Charleston is my home.  I can’t make this home.”  I cried and prayed…for awhile.  But then something stopped me dead in my tracks and replied…..”If you believe in Me as you claim…..you can trust that I know best for you.” Of course, more tears.  I mean.. who wants to hear that.  I was so discouraged.

So this morning I rested in Psalm 37.  I sort of laughed when it opened.  This verse is probably one of the most misinterpreted verses in scripture.  “So if I trust in you, God… you’ll for sure move us back to Charleston, right?”  I joked.  “I mean that’s the desire of my heart.” Then I tried to tell myself…. “No, God you will make it my desire to stay here or to move elsewhere.. it will be what I desire.”  Although, that really seemed like a stretch.  However, despite my sarcastic tone, the Lord really spoke to my heart and he used two of these verses in a powerful way.

1.  “Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.”  Do what?  I thought.  Immediately it was as if God reminded me of my question and then answered it. 

You said you can’t make anything other than Charleston  a home.  Remember?  Well, commit your way to Me… Trust ME and I will do it… I will bring you to a place… and I will make it your home…it WILL FEEL LIKE YOUR HOME.

Tears flooded my eyes.  I couldn’t see…but I knew God was speaking truth to my heart.  I can’t imagine any other place being home.. but I must Trust my Lord.

2.  “….cultivate faithfulness”…..  There was a little note further explaining the term “cultivate” at the bottom of my page that read feed securely or feed on His faithfulness.

Dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness…. this is what I’m trying to do today.  Staying in His word and reminding myself of His goodness, His kindness, AND His faithfulness.  I would covet your prayers.  I wanted to write this now.. while I’m in the midst of all of this.  I don’t know what the outcome will be…I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t be devastated if we do not get an opportunity to move closer to my home. (A term I must use loosely, now.) But I do know that Christ has our best interests at heart.  I do know that He sees the entire picture.  I am only a small part of that.  And though small, I still want to pour out my part in His plan.  I was thinking today while I was working out.  This isn’t me looking at my glass “half full verses half empty.”  As David writes in Psalm 23…”My cup overflows.”  The paradox with the Christian walk is that our cups are most full, when we are most emptied.  For that I am thankful.  Over all else, I would rather be empty in hands and overflowing in heart —feeding securely from the hand of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Feast on His faithfulness, my friends.  His food is good….and so good FOR us!  

Josh was lingering over near my flower pot. “What are you doing, honey?”  I questioned.  “Just one minute, Mommy,” Josh replied.  “Close your eyes……now… OPEN!”  He yelled.  In his hands were two tiny little yellow pansies.  “Put them behind your ear,” he requested.  Of course like every good mommy, I proudly placed each one behind my ears.  “You look extinguished!”  he admired.  I laughed out loud!  “You mean distinguished?”  “Yes!”  he laughed back.

My kids say the funniest things sometimes.  It makes some of those long days at home quite entertaining.  While Josh and I were getting a nice laugh out of his cute little “big” word, Will was walking around the yard holding his t-ball stand sideways.  I asked what he was doing and he matter of factly said..”I’m blowing off the leaves, Mommy!”  I suppose that was his blower.  He then came over to me “Oops, Mom… I think we need to buy some more wind.  This one is running out of wind.”  (so funny). 

“Baby, there are some things you can’t buy… and WIND is one of them.”

Thus my mind began to wander and I started thinking of all of the things I wish I could buy that I can’t.  Things like “more time” of course.. that’s always an oldie, but goodie… but wouldn’t it be great if you could buy things like “skinny”….. or  Oooooo… and here’s where I stopped… Sleep.  AAAHH!  Ya’ll know how I LOVE sleep.  Just imagine.. wouldn’t it be great if you could just swing by a drive-thru and buy some “sleep”…then you’d suddenly feel rested?  …I mean I suppose Starbucks or those “Monster” drinks have tried to somehow create the sensation…but I’m sorry.. when I feel rested, I don’t normally have the shakes.  Know what I mean?

I was reading today in Proverbs 5……

“For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech…..Now then, …listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth.  Keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house, or you will give your vigor to others and your years to the cruel one; and strangers will be filled with your strength and your hard-earned goods will go to the house of an alien.”  Proverbs 5:3,7-10

I don’t know… I know this is one of those random passages, but God really used it today to speak some truth to me.  I am always desiring energy and strength.  It’s exhausting keeping up my the house, children, marriage, friendships……I began to see all of the times I’ve given my vigor over to others… I began to be convicted of the years that I have wasted to the cruel one.  I know I am not talking or hanging around “adulteresses”…..but see, anything that distracts me from being faithful to my Lord and Savior… is my adulterer.  Seriously.  I think of all of the times I’ve chosen to pour my energy into pots of Worry and Fear.  All of the times I decided to believe Satan’s lies and fill him with my strength as I fought my OWN torment.  Not to mention the years in my youth when perhaps I never went into the “door of her house”… but I sure had camped out on the porch.

I am not saying that I am still enslaved to these sins.  I am free..”For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is free from sin.”  Romans 6:5-7

I am simply convicted of the valuable pieces of myself that I hand over to the “aliens” on a daily basis. That’s all.  The TV shows I’ve watched… that movie scenes that are still horrifically impressed in my memory……my choice of words and behaviors.  I complain about sleep.. but have I been self-disciplined?  Have I been retiring at reasonable times at night?  It’s just something to think about.  I think we all know what our own adulterer’s house looks like.  I’m pretty sure we can recognize it from a mile away.  Can we avoid her?  Through Christ we can.  It is my prayer that we will pray up our hearts today and hold on to all of our “hard-earned goods!”