Words of Eternal Life
“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.” John 6:68
Man, oh man have I been struggling today. We are all sort of under the weather here…just little colds, sore throats…but it’s just enough discomfort to make everyone a little “on edge.” I say that in quotes because it’s amazing the meltdowns that occurred in this house today. HUGE ordeals over VERY minor circumstances. I’ve just been discouraged. Mainly, because my children got to me today and I lost my temper with them. I HATE doing that!!
I kept asking myself… “What!!” “What is it!!” “What am I doing wrong?” “Then, what do I need?” “What is going to make me happy?” “What is it!!” I practically tossed everyone in their rooms this afternoon. I made EVERYONE take a nap! I just needed an hour…or even thirty minutes..”Yea, that’s what I need.” An hour passed…children out of rooms…we are ALL still grumpy. We blow bubbles. We play soccer. We have a snack. We play trains. We watch a T.V show. I just keep watching the clock….three more hours ’til Chris comes home…..two more hours ’til Chris comes home…..thirty more minutes ’til Chris gets home. I must tell you, I feel like such a WASTE when I am living my life just to pass the time away. What a waste. And sadly, that was my day today. Yuck! However, as I was reaching for an ice cream sandwich (hey, it was a skinny cow…not that bad) because that was something I thought I needed…the Lord dropped this John 6:68 verse in my head. And I just paused. See, I had been searching everywhere for something that would get me through the day… I was turning to anything… even an ice cream sandwich…
Now, I’m not saying that I wasn’t praying all throughout my day. But I was angry. I was frustrated with God. Why does He make my husband work so much? I feel so lonely sometimes. Is it His Will for me some months to literally raise our children as a single mother? It’s just really frustrating. But as hard as I try to run from the one with whom I’m frustrated and try to satisfy my needs with other measures… I am reminded that Christ is my answer. He has “words of eternal life.” He has words to speak truth to me…. to encourage me that I’m not just passing time. Oh how Satan loves for us to feel like there is no purpose. Because with no purpose… really there could be no God… because God created EVERYTHING…why? Because everything has a purpose and there was a reason…. and somehow under his sovereign umbrella…my three hours in the afternoon playing with my children served a purpose unto Him. Lord, to whom shall I go? I praise my maker for turning my “fleeing” into a “chasing” after Him.
I am a sinful mother. I want to be a perfect mother. I tend to give myself more grace in my other roles, but not so much in my “mother” roles. It’s as if those mistakes are unforgivable in Christ’s eyes. That is where I’m most humbled. Christ sees those very much the same and very much desires for me to repent and move on. So this evening has been a process of me moving forward. I know I need to be in prayer more. I know I need to be in His word more. Tomorrow is a new day and His mercies are new every morning.
As I was flipping through my bible–grazing a little–as I was preparing dinner I came across a verse in 2nd Chronicles. It will be my prayer for my home tomorrow. Perhaps it may be one for yours. We need to pray, people. God wants us to pray. He wants that devotion. I don’t know for sure, but I am thinking Quality Time may be one of His love languages. 
Give Him that time…Go to Him…He has the words of eternal life.
“Now, O my God, I pray, let Your eyes be open and Your ears attentive to the prayer offered in this place.” 2 Chronicles 6:40
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August 29th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Those “afternoons” and “days” are so, so durn hard and come my way far too often. The hard, hard part is that when I am in the midst of them, although (as you said) I am praying…I can’t seem to shake it. It feels like I need to escape the situation for a few minutes (which is usually an impossibility) and even more escape myself and my pettiness, frustration and selfishness. How do I do that is so often my dilemma. I want to stop my attitude problem, but i need Him to rescue me from me. Some days I do better than others, but it truly is one of my biggest struggles as well. So hard, but I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning.