i don’t know who all reads this… if anyone… but I would like to ask for some prayer. Our sweet Emma Faye is very sick right now… and well.. Dr’s and all just don’t really know what’s going on. We’ve spent the past two mornings at the Pediatricians… I’ve never had a child act so lethargic…..Chris and I are both concerned. So… it would be a blessing to us if you could offer her up in prayer. We are praying for healing, wisdom and peace. thank you.
Ladies, I’ve got a BIG problem on my hands… BIG…. my coffee maker is broken… or ‘brote’ (as Josh would say)… it’s dead…I’m struggling… I’m not going to lie here… this is a MAJOR issue!!! I woke up this morning and realized that it was no longer working… so I call Chris… Why? because I suppose I thought it would make his day a little brighter if I called and griped to him. Why do we do that… we wives and mothers? Am I the only one who somehow finds it necessary to call up my husband when I’m having a horrible day and decide to tell him all about it? I mean… what can HE do? (well, that’s another problem of mine I will have to address at a later time… right now I’m really upset about the coffee issue)…
so this morning I was dragging and grumpy and…well…. a HORRIBLE mess. Finally… I decided my only option.. (oh poor me… I’m so pathetic..jk) was to drive to Starbucks and get me a coffee… so I did… and my mood began to perk up. At first sip I was covered in smiles…. and I thought…
“Man, why can’t i be THIS addicted to Jesus. Why can’t I just “HAVE” to have my time with the Lord before I start my day….Why am I not all smiles and giggles from HIM?”
yes… this is sad. I’m sad.. this I know. And I have to tell you… tomorrow is going to be the same issue.. perhaps I will find myself once again on Starbucks terrain….but tonight… I’m going to pray that I may be as excited about Christ…. I may desire Him more than a soy latte.
(Gosh I’m a pathetic disgrace to Christ… what am I doing here……I need to go to bed…think tomorrow I’ll make it a double shot….I continue to digress…nighty-night all.)
…ummm, maybe just blow my entire “diet” and throw down late last night…living yet another week with excess “me” on my body. I’m so frustrated… I feel so yucky… I’ve just been eating SOOOO poorly lately… it just makes me feel..well..sick. Our bodies were not designed to inhale such “junk food” on a regular basis and lately it’s been more of a daily occurrence..I can’t seem to get out of “summer vacation mode”…. anyhoo… I’m praying today (I know that’s seems silly to pray about)… but I am praying today that I will be able to exert some form of self-control in dealing with my choices for nourishment.
And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new, ” Revelation 21:5.
I keep returning to this verse almost once a week. It really has been on my heart… the whole concept of Christ making us new… making all things new…. Iam included in the “all things”. Though I feel defeated some days… it doesn’t mean that I must surrender the REST of my days. Though I have failed the morning… I do NOT have to hold up a white flag for my afternoon. There is victory in my Savior… my Redeemer (Isaiah 54:5). As I was reading this morning “Jesus, the Redeemer, is altogether ours and ours forever. All the offices of Christ are held on our behalf…..Jesus has no dignity which He will not employ for our exaltation, and no prerogative which He will not exercise for our defense. His fullness of Godhead is our unfailing, inexhaustible treasury.” (Charles Spurgeon).
Therefore, because of Christ and the work that He accomplished there on the cross, I am no longer enslaved to my mistakes of yesterday. I am a new creation in Him. In order for me to live in my “new” self… found in Him… I must stay in close communication…in prayer… in His word …. all so that I may hear Him when He is whispering to me “Behold, I am making all things new.”
The summer bible studies started up today at our church…. it is sad… I was trying my best to believe that I was SOO excited that they were beginning because I was THIRSTING for His word and NOT because of the free child-care for two hours and time ALONE with other women…. but deep down I was excited for an outing. However… God’s word NEVER returns void and this morning was truly a blessing. We heard testimonies from different women… it was very moving to see God at work in their lives. However… I was particularly touched by something one woman said… and it really wasn’t what her talk was about.. just something she mentioned in passing….”I wish I had listened to people when they had talked about parenting…..I understand NOW what they were talking about…. I wish I had of adhered to their advice sooner…” I thought… I don’t want to be like that…. I want to learn how to be a Godly woman and a Godly parent….And all of this got me thinking about a “teachable spirit”. Do I have a spirit of “teach-ability”?
There are so many lessons that I find later people had taught me….I chose to learn them the hard way… on my own. I mean… who wants advice? Who wants to think they DON’T know how to do something….who wants to ask for help? Who wants others to know they are weak….and helpless… and literally a MESS! No One. That is… we are taught that we shouldn’t need help… we are taught to be self sufficient….and in my walk through God’s word… I am beginning to understand all the more the meaning of 1 Corinthians 1:20…
“where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?”
See… in Christianity… self-sufficiency is flipped upside down. We are only self-sufficient in our reliance upon Christ. His GRACE is our sufficiency (2 Cor. 12:9)—not ourselves…not by our own wisdom and knowledge… nothing from this world. As I searched an online bible concordance the phrase “teachable spirit”… this is the only verse that popped up… and so fitting for me now, as a mother:
“He called a little child and had him stand among them. and he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:2-4
I can now see my precious little children’s faces looking at me. Always watching… always absorbing everything that flows out of my mouth….mimicking my every gesture…. CONSTANTLY learning…. and listening. Today Will wanted so desperately to write a note to his daddy that said, “I love you”. Such a simple little phrase, yet very difficult for him to write… but the desire was there. For awhile we struggled… I would help him hold the pen and he would fight me… “Stop mommy… let ME DO IT!” I watched to paper fill with mangled lines and scribble. Finally he turned to me…”Mommy will you show me how to write an “L”?” Gladly we worked on that little message.
What humility for him to surrender to my instruction…I most certainly saw myself in his struggle. What humility it takes to surrender to the work Christ LONGS to do in our lives. I want that kind of humility…..there is no other way around it. I need Christ. Will wanted to write and there was no way He was going to get that accomplished except through my help…. We’ve got to become little children. I praise the Lord for giving me the gift of children…. I have learned SO MUCH from them. Perhaps that’s why we are called to look to them as examples.
Unless you change……Praise the Lord that He is the God of second chances… the Redeemer… the Creator….making all things new…..we have the ability to change! what a gift! I want to embrace advice bestowed to me through His word… I want to accept the knowledge of my elders around me…. I don’t want to learn things the “hard way”. I want to change and become like MY little children and embrace, absorb, listen, and learn from my Christ EVERYTHING He longs to teach me. Drop self-sufficiency and be adorned in reliance upon our Savior. Pray for wise people in your life that will speak truth to you… surround yourself with Godly peers… and pray. God LOVES you….He wants to teach you and grow you closer to Him…but we must surrender to our need for Him and “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.” (James 4:10) I want to be lifted up from my failures in parenting… I want to be uplifted in encouragement….these are promises of God. It is my prayer today that we drop all pretenses and humble ourselves… we become real with people…. I started this blog four months ago because I wanted people to know that it’s OK to be a mess….it’s ok to mess up…. we can change… Christ will NOT let us go… like the Good Shepherd that He is… even when we try to escape His clasp… He leaves the 99 sheep and goes in search of his 1. This is the Lord whom we serve. May ALL of us begin today in humility acquiring a teachable spirit…..Lord, help us change and become like our precious children…..with gentle hearts, innocent eyes and open ears…may we “press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of [us]” (Philippians 3:13).
“Better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting….” Ecclesiastes 7:2
This weekend for me was bittersweet. All ready to travel out of town for a wedding that I was singing at, my plans somewhat became altered when I received word that a dear family friend of ours died. Saturday, I attended both a funeral and a wedding. As I was sitting in the quiet church listening to the organ, I remembered that I hate funerals. I know that for a believer, they are celebrations… I know that we are to rejoice…but I’ve never been able to do that during a funeral. I just sit and stare at the coffin. Saturday, I finally admitted to myself something that I’ve known for a long time, but never really vocalized….. I struggle with the concept of death. I sat there watching all of the people sign into the guest book asking myself… who is this for? I bawled as I watched the family somberly walk into the sanctuary and thought… how could I EVER hold it together? I listened to the pastor speak… the above verse was quoted in his message. I remember my brother commenting that he didn’t really understand it….. I just kept staring at that casket and thinking about death. We are gone. Life is over. We leave our bodies. And then I realized that all we take with us when our heart stops beating…..and we stop breathing… all we have is our relationship with Christ. That’s it people. I just kept thinking about that over and over again.
All around me were beautiful stain glass windows…..all depicting scenes of Jesus. Jesus was everywhere….He IS everywhere….and I found myself asking the question….”Am I living with my funeral in mind?” I mean, I know this is somewhat morbid… but seriously…. am I living with the mentality that my life on earth will one day end…. it will….and what kind of relationship will I take with me to my Maker. I believe there is a heaven….I believe that Christ has prepared a place for us… for those who believe in Jesus…that He is our Savior… the Son of God.. sent to earth as a baby…… that He died for our sins… was raised from the dead….and reigns forever… I believe when we believe those things then we will join Him for eternity after we die. The last song that we sang was “Lift High the Cross”.
All the way home I kept singing that song in my head….”lift high the Cross”. Am I living daily with the Cross lifted high in my heart and mind and soul? That is where true relationship begins with Jesus…at the Cross. That is where He made it possible for us to come to Him… for us to talk with Him and rely on Him…. That is why the veil in the temple was torn… He is no longer unapproachable. He is no longer covered… He wants to cover US!! Therefore, am I lifting high the cross when I deal with my children? am I lifting high the cross as I face struggles and trials in my life. Where am I looking? am I looking to Christ? Why would I look anywhere else for anything that I needed…. Christ is the ONLY THING that I am able to keep with me from the time I believe in him…through my death… and into eternity.
Later that night I went on to my wedding….and what a beautiful wedding it was…especially the reception. Sunset…..outside…waterfront…music…delicious food…..BEAUTIFUL! It was a celebration…. we were all having a ball and then that Ecclesiastes verse crawled all over me…….finally making sense. See, I was compelled to think about the finality of life during that funeral… I was compelled to consider my relationship with Christ… ask the REAL life questions…. It was GOOD for me to be in the house of mourning! do you know what I was thinking when we walked into that tent adorned with fruit and chocolate, crab cakes and roast beef, crackers and cheese……do you really want to know? Well, it was more like how many plates can I fill my first round…. It was more along the lines of how may I achieve a life of gluttony, verses a righteous one. I looked down at my wedding program and smiled. The last song played was “Lift High the Cross”. So appropriate to end my day… to end a wedding…. to end a life… to conclude a funeral. Lift high the Cross, my dear friends. …..in sorrow, in joy….lift it up. It is the Cross that gives us joy in our Celebrations and it is the Cross that sends us hope and carries us through our tribulations. It should always have it’s place lifted up in the forefront of our hearts and from that will flow fountains of life!
So here I am on this Monday. I’m, of course, tired…. I ate too much this weekend….my neck is a little stiff from the long drive….and I wish that I had about eight hours more in this day to think and write… there are so many things that I wish I could go back and do differently…. so many times I became angered with my kids last week…. I wish I could have been lifting up the cross on those days… but the beautiful thing about Christ is that He makes us new every day… every minute… So I suppose I will close this entry and tell whoever out there that is feeling like they’ve blown it… there is no blowing it in Christianity. What Jesus offers us along with eternal salvation, is everlasting forgiveness, grace, mercy and love. Walk in these. Grab hold of them. He will cover you. He will sustain you. His love is real…..His love is life!
