Ladies, Ladies…All the Ladies!!

I glanced at my alarm clock:  6:20am…… just 10 min before the time I had set it to wake up “early”….to have some time with the Lord and myself before I started my day.  I sigh…. not because I’m not ready to get up…. but because my day started at 5:15am with both boys.  My entire family has been throwing up this week… ALL of us have been sick and I’m STILL not feeling great.  I have watched this virus spread through my household like a bad stench beginning on one side of a room and gradually making it’s way to the other.  I’m tired… beat down…. I think what’s most frustrating is that you have moments of feeling like you are getting better and them… WHAM… you’re sick again.  Yesterday Josh was the only one with fever…. Will felt GREAT!  Last night Will threw up again.  I’m just done… I’m frustrated…. I think I’m sort of angry at God.  I’ve been so positive and strengthened this week… I have really felt His presence….  but enough already?  Did I not stand the test?  Please… can you let up a bit?  I have my in-laws coming tomorrow afternoon…. there is still cleaning and cooking to do…..  I’m just beat.  So at 5:30 I placed my sick little boys on my bed and turned on the TV…..thank you, Lord, for the Disney channel.  I stepped outside….sat on my patio and opened my bible.  This morning was beautiful.  The birds were singing…. the air was cool… the sun was just coming up…..  I just sat there contemplating where to turn in my bible.  If I’m going to be honest, I didn’t want to read God’s word this morning.  I’m frustrated, yet something inside of me still needed to be in His word.  I prayed that the Lord would bless my time… that he would speak to me….mostly that He would teach me something.  I opened up to Psalm 28…why?  because it’s June 28…why not?

“Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help,

as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place……..

The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.”

I need mercy from my heavenly Father today.  I need Him to look down on our pitiful family and feel so sorrow for us.  I need a compassionate hand on my heart right now.  I hadn’t thought to pray for God’s mercy.  I’m always asking for grace. I didn’t feel like God was my shield at that moment….I hadn’t felt shielded from this illness…. I certainly didn’t feel strengthened….then again…was my heart trusting in him? 

Last night as Chris was leaving for work, after Will’s vomit explosion, he said “I’m going to pray against Emma Faye getting this.”  And I remember thinking “why?  oh course she’s going to get it.  God hasn’t spared ONE of us… why would he suddenly decided to grant us THIS one request…I mean since I had gotten sick (I was the first)… I had prayed this same thing for my entire family”  I was so bitter…..doesn’t sound like a trusting heart does it?  Somehow in the mess of vomit and diarrhea I had lost a little of my faith.  Not that if I trust in him… he will suddenly heal us… but my heart will be healed… my bitterness can be replaced with contentment in my circumstances….the Lord once again can be my strength.  This morning I suddenly felt like the father in Mark 9 when Jesus heals his son…”Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me in my unbelief.”  (Mark 9:24)  I need help in my unbelief today. 

Will’s new favorite CD is my very old Caedmon’s Call CD… I was in the playroom with them and I was listening to the words of one of the songs…..”my faith is like shifting sand so I stand on grace”.  I need grace from my heavenly Father today as well as mercy.  Praise the Lord that He extends BOTH to us….as we cry out to him….he looks upon us with merciful eyes….our faith is carried along by his grace.. after all it is by GRACE that we are saved… nothing of ourselves.  So today I cry out for grace and mercy and peace……….

“……..and I am helped.”

Today has been one of those days.  I know I seem to describe about 60 percent of my days like this…but today was no exaggeration… it was a “real deal”–one of those days.  I think I must have had a little extra of what Emma Faye was suffering from… I’d like to think the Lord answered my prayers when I kept praying “Lord, please just take this sickness from her… give it to ME…please, Lord”  I can’t describe the feeling of fear that covered me last week… I could hardly see through Satan’s blanket over my eyes…. Doctors talking “diseases”….”bad viruses”…. “infections”…  I realized last week how we rest in the mercy of our Lord.  We are guaranteed nothing on this earth–yet through Christ guaranteed EVERYTHING…..salvation….comfort… strength… peace…. healing…hope… and joy even in suffering.  It’s a very strange place to be…. Helplessly being held in our Redeemer’s arms….yet completely comforting…..completely restful.  He is our hands, our feet, our voice… our joy… He takes on our sorrow….and carries our burdens.  Why can’t we let him?

This morning I was watering our flowers at 6:30am with my sweet early bird, Josh.  :)  I used to fight this… literally screaming at a whisper level to him every morning for probably the first year of his life…about how no one needs to get up until 7am….. and all of this was to no avail.  I surrendered to the fact that he is who he is… I, therefore, force my “night owl” self to go to bed at a reasonable hour so I can meet him in the morning with a cheerful heart.  It has been very sweet.  It’s our time together and I cherish my early mornings now with my precious son.  Anyway, we were out doing our routine little watering and he asked me “Mommy, why is the grass wet?”   Without even thinking I said, “That’s called ‘dew’…. God sends the little drops to feed all the plants so they may have a little water each day before the summer heat sets in—to help them grow”

Suddenly the bible passage that I had read in a haste this morning came to my mind… I didn’t know why I started thinking about it… but now… after my difficult day of being sick and still having to be mommy to three little ones…. I realize now that this particular passage had fallen like morning dew on my heart…preparing me for my day before I even knew that I was going to be sick–before the “summer heat” of my day had set in, so to speak.

God’s gifts of grace come in many forms. Each of you has received a gift in order to serve others. You should use it faithfully. If you speak, you should do it like one speaking God’s very words. If you serve, you should do it with the strength God provides. Then in all things God will be praised through Jesus Christ. Give him the glory and the power for ever and ever.  Amen.  (1 Peter 4:10-11)

My day could have been a disaster…..well.. it wasn’t great… I guess I’ll say… my heart could have been a disaster today.  I could have spent the entire day watching TV and forcing my children to leave me alone… complaining to my husband….ranting and raving… crying and sobbing….but it was the grace of God that carried me through THIS day.  I kept praying through my words….Lord, help me be like one speaking God’s very words…..  Help me serve with the strength that YOU provide.  God was faithful.  My friends… we have all been given gifts.  Most of you who read this blog have been given the gift of being a mother and/or a wife….”use it faithfully.”  Serve your family…..speak Christ’s words… fall into Christ’s strength……only THEN will we see Christ move and work in our lives.  I praise Him today.  Anything peaceful and calm in me was certainly in and of HIMSELF.  I give him ALL praise for my day.  I still feel a little sick….but I’m joyful.  I live a blessed life.  The beauty of grace, as Peter explains, is that it comes in many forms…. there are no formulas, no recipes, there is not a limited supply….it is simply offered for our taking at a perfect time when our precious Savior knows that we need it the most.  So, open your hearts… hold out your hands…… and catch the morning dew.

    This I recall to my mind,
         Therefore I have hope. 
    The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
         For His compassions never fail. 
    They are new every morning;
         Great is Your faithfulness. 
    ”The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
         ”Therefore I have hope in Him.”  (Lamentations 3:21-24)

1.  Josh when asked what is the first place he is going to go when he learns to drive (he’s always asking when can he drive) says, and I quote:  I’m going to drive to cah-wehge (that’s ‘college’ in non-Josh speech)

2.  My boys behaving SO well in the Doctor’s office while the Dr. was checking out Emma Faye.

3.  Chris’s grilled London Broil.  Delicious… restaurant quality, babe!

4.  Finishing painting Emma Faye’s bathroom.

5.  Taking the boys to an “ice cream party” at our local library here in town.

6.  Will wanting to practice more writing his letters.

7.  Josh remembering the letter ‘C’.

8.  Will telling me the story about Eli and Samuel that he learned in Sunday School.  (I LOVE hearing a bible story told by a child… I think it’s just beautiful!)

9.  At dinner one night Will telling me how great the meal was…just on his own.

10.  Chris surprising me one morning with piping hot starbucks coffee the morning after our coffee maker broke.

11.  Chris buying us a new coffee maker.  I LOVE YOU!

12.  Will telling me that his best friend is Josh.

13.  Josh telling me that his best friend is Will.

14.  Seeing one of my best friends, Debra.

15.  Eating dinner outside on our patio with Chris after we put the kids to bed.

16.  And last, but certainly NOT least……..Seeing Emma Faye’s first smile after a week of being sick and feeling so miserable.

This weekend I painted Emma Faye’s bathroom… my first painting experiment.  I have found that I am now sort of addicted to the activity.  I think I’m going to tackle my kitchen.  I think I love it so much because it’s like an instant satisfaction in your work.  I mean, you can see your accomplishment immediately.  I kept stepping back and looking at it….yes, I was feeling a sense of pride.  God takes these random moments to teach me things about His word.  I was looking at my work and suddenly a verse came to my mind…..

“the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever.  They lay their crowns before the throne and say “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”  Revelation 4:10-11

Really the entire 4th chapter of Revelation is filled with wonderful little nuggets like these verses.. .but this particular one was on my heart….. the whole visual of us laying down our crowns before His throne.  All of our accomplishments… all of our victories… all of those things God used as tools to show His glory to others… we will carry those things to heaven ….. but only long enough to give them back to Jesus. 

I think of all of the “acts of service”  I have done for people and had a sense of pride for that…. that’s not MY work… and I realized….anything that causes me to show grace to someone… anything that causes me to serve someone….to offer up prayer for someone… to share Christ with someone… anything that causes me to do that… that’s NOTHING from me…it is ALL from Christ IN me.  Anything that we say or do that somehow speaks the truths of Christ to someone’s heart is not something of ourselves.  It is something of the supernatural… the mysterious work of Christ in and through us. 

This thought makes me feel ’freed’, yet ashamed.  Freed in the sense that God’s power is great.  He is sovereign… His word will never return void.  The pressure to say the right things “perfectly” is impossible….but God will use my words when needed to minister to someone.  Still, I’m ashamed.  I’m ashamed of all of the times I took the credit.  I was somehow deep down, though I’d never admit… though at times I didn’t even realize….that I was somehow a part of that experience….somehow wisdom was from ME….the compassion was from ME….when the only “part” we play in our being used of God is our willing obedience to him to be used.  Although, I’m instantly reminded of the story of Jonah… I mean he willingly disobeyed God and God still brought his heart back to obedience. God is God—He fulfills His promises….He NEVER changes His mind.  Praise the Lord that He is always at work in and around our lives.  Praise the Lord that He chooses to include us in these wonderful experiences…these opportunities to witness His glory!  We are his children….He has plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11)…. He has prepared work for us beforehand to bring Him glory and honor(Eph 2:11)….Be prepared my friends for God to use you.  Are you prepared?  He says He is working in your lives… He says we are to serve Him….all of these things are going to happen…they are ALREADY happening!   It is my desire for all of us to pray today for a heart of willing obedience…. a heart that longs to fulfill the desires of our King… our Lord and Savior… one that rejoices over Him….one that sees His glory manifested on this earth… and one that will even willingly walk into the fiery furnace all the while saying “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Daniel 3:17-18)

Be encouraged today with eyes wide open for Christ to use you. He will… you may not even be aware… and my sweet friend THOSE are the crowns you will wear…. those only seen by our precious Savior….those you will present to Him who sits on the throne and lay at His feet.  Oh praise the Lord!  He is worthy……

Holy, holy, holy

is the Lord God Almighty,

who was, and is, and is to come.

(Revelation 4:8)

Thank you SO MUCH for all of your prayers!  I just wanted to send out a quick update on our little girl.  I’ve never had a child this sick before… high fever for almost 4 days… not eating…no moving… just laying around… so sad…  Anyway.. Friday afternoon her fever broke… she ate a little, then this morning she woke up and had a rash all over her body.  Chris said it was probably r

roseola.  I know this little virus… Josh has had it before… but they weren’t sick for this long… so it had me a little concerned.  Today she didn’t have fever… she’s not herself, but eating a little more.  I just thank you for your emails… comments… and I FELT your prayers. 

Speaking of prayers… on a lighter note… tonight we asked the boys what they wanted to pray for… here were their requests:

Will:  “Please help the trip to Disney World not be so long”

Josh: “umm, rainbows and pray not to say ‘dookie’ ”

–just FYI…dookie is a word that unfortunately came from MY MOUTH as I was cleaning up a mess of it from Will and I was so angry at him for the disaster that I needed a stronger word other than “poo-poo”…. I figured from all of the other choice words that I WANTED to say..that wouldn’t be so bad.  Well a few weeks later I realized that I was mistaken.  My father was keeping the boys one night and poor Al encountered one of Will’s “Miralax dose gone wrong” and Dad said as he was cleaning him up he just kept saying… “Gross Will…YUCK!  This is AWFUL!!”  He said Will looked back at him and said, “My mommy calls this dookie”. Yep,  I know… I’m terrible.  Anyway.. so after that…they keep saying that nasty little word and well.. I apologized and we have sort of banned it from our house (just not a very nice word to say)…. Well… Josh still has a hard time NOT saying it. So he likes to pray that Jesus will help him not to say it. 

Ok… sorry for the long and boring blog… BUT  praise the Lord that Emma Faye seems to be recovering….all of you have a great night!