Difficult Day
Today is hard. I’m having an extremely hard time. And why? I wish I weren’t such a complex individual. Sometimes…honestly…it’s just exhausting being…well…ME. I was walking into the gym this morning at 10am with the boys and thinking…I’ve been up since 5:30am. Yesterday we had another tornado….Chris worked later…he left this morning to go have the car serviced…Josh was whining ALL MORNING. Will woke up complaining and aggravating his brother….and my mom is in town…watching our dysfunctional family unfold before her eyes. Why do I still care what she thinks….and the thing is… I know she loves me and isn’t thinking anything…so what is my deal? This is my torment today. I wish when we have those seemingly “perfect” weeks that someone else were in my house to see that we all really do love each other and get along. But without fail….it is when I am on vacation with family or friends… or have people over that my children become annoying little monsters… fatiguing the strongest of warriors. I’m just beat down this morning. I feel inadequate in all areas of my life. Why do I feel like a looser? I just sat down and reread yesterday’s post. It’s so humbling…you know…i wrote that on a whim yesterday…and now I know that God had me write that because I would need to hear those words… hear MYSELF say those words today. If I am struggling with what my mom is thinking of the mother and wife that I have become…. I am not thinking…”how may I serve you Lord?” And it’s just that plain and simple. If I am feeling like a looser… I am not remembering that the Lord has made me a winner…I am beautiful and precious in His eyes. Plain and simple. Satan has gripped me this morning…He’s cracked the code to my alarm system and has “crept” into my home…(my heart)….He’s known how precious I value time with my mother and we wants to sabotage that… we wants to devour it and shred it into pieces…..He rejoiced this morning. BUT…(I love that in Christianity there is always a ‘but’, and ‘therefore’, and ’since’)…even though Satan may have had my morning…..Christ has my day! He has conquered so I may continue….Continue pursuing Him and pressing on. There is strength in the Lord and in serving Him. I praise the Lord to have been reminded of that this morning.
I wasn’t going to write about all of the events that happened this morning…but then again…I did because I want all of you to know that I am in so need of Christ. I’m being so honest when I say I am rotten to my core… I’m selfish..easily angered…impatient…insecure…(I think I’ll just stop at those..I won’t have enough storage on this blog site if I list all of my imperfections…)….but Christ makes me blameless and pure. I’ve been rinsed by the water and washed in the blood. So I suppose all is not lost…all is not in vain. Through Christ…the day is redeemed. I press on…..Lord, keep me from weariness as I continue walking.
