Ladies, Ladies…All the Ladies!!

“for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”  Philippians 4:11

the circumstances:

1. Will… bad cough, infection in one ear, right before bedtime busted his lip open (bloody massacre in the house…lip bleeds are the worse)

2. Josh… infections in both ears, if coughs too hard will vomit (must somehow redirect the kid if he begins his coughing)

3.  Emma Faye..probably presently suffering from ear infection like her brothers, but sweet hubby couldn’t see inside her ear due to all the wax..didn’t have the instrument at home to clean it out…i have to wait it out, she won’t eat, not sleeping well, green snot pouring from nostrils

4.  Chris will not be home before 10pm for the next three days

5. Laundry hamper is overflowing in EVERYONE’S room

6. I can’t seem to get back on my “healthy eating” diet

7. I’m tired

8. I’m extremely discouraged that my kids seem to always be sick

9.  My boys seem to detest each other this week and it’s JUST MONDAY!

I so wish Paul and I could set up a starbucks date and really talk about this.  I want contentment SO desperately.  Chris and I were bickering today about the fact that nothing seems to make me happy anymore.  Why AM I so miserable?  ….more like miserable to be around?  I think it’s because I lack contentment in my circumstances.  For some reason.. this is it.  This is my life.  These are my children.  I have such an ungrateful spoiled little girl attitude.  Children are such a gift… an amazing, serving husband is such a gift….  what is my deal!!

content: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

-with what one is:  I am a sinner.  I am flawed.  I need to stop trying to be so freaking perfect in everything I do and measuring myself against perfection instead of Christ.  I need to love me for who He has created me to be and for some reason he was given me these children exactly as they are because for some reason they NEED the mom exactly as I am. 

-with what one has:  I am a sinner, but I’m also a sinner saved by grace.  I have Christ… and through him I may attain the “secret of being content in any and every situation….I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12-13) I am not left helpless and hopeless.  I have a way out.  I have a means of achieving power.

-not wanting more:  Is Jesus enough?  This will be my greatest question.  I’ve written about it in songs… I’ve read about it in books… I’ve located verses in the bible all revolving around this one concept.  What if I was left with nothing more than Jesus.  Have you ever thought about that?  Is He enough?  Everything in the Old Testament is a crying for his arrival… everything in the New Testament is a declaring of His praise…. He is King of Kings.  He is real.  God, may you be enough for me…not just in the daily struggles… but enough, enough. 

-not wanting anything else:  What is my hearts cry.  What do I long for the most?  So often I am constantly thinking… oh, when the kids are potty-trained then…… when the kids go to school, then…..  when we go on vacation, then…..  when we get out of fellowship, then……  when we have more money, then…..  when I lose 20 pounds, then…. when I color my hair, then…. I mean I could go on and on about my fantasy life that follows those “then” statements.  Are you living in an “if…then” life?  I think I have for so long.  I want to stop.  I want to live a “THIS” life and a NOW life.  I want to enjoy the good in the bad IN MY TIME, now.  I want to want nothing else but Christ; whether that is wanting him for strength… wanting him for praise…. wanting him for conversation, wanting him for comfort, wanting him for healing, needing him for wisdom, for guidance…… I don’t want to “want” for anything else, but my Jesus.

On Saturday I was going about my day and couldn’t help but think about day two of Easter weekend.  You know we always focus on Good Friday and Easter… and of course.. those are very important..duh… but I woke up Saturday morning and over breakfast I couldn’t help but tell Chris….”Can you imagine what today felt like.  Our Lord, those who knew Him to be, was murdered and to their knowledge, dead.  They had killed our Lord.  Can you imagine the hopelessness?”  As the day progressed I just kept thinking about it.  Saturday was a long day in that respect.  But it made me center my thoughts on life without Christ… such doom, such despair….  This year Easter meant so much more.  “He conquered the grave!!!!  My Jesus conquered the grave!! ” (as we sang in church)…..

…and this is the same God who will enable me to find contentment in ALL of my circumstances…..and this is WHY I CAN be content in everything and be able to “do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Lord, give me the strength to want nothing more than YOU above all else.