Ladies, Ladies…All the Ladies!!

It’s a yucky day today.  It’s cold..cloudy…breezy…. nothing like the beautiful spring weather we’ve been having lately.  I opted not to make church today.  Chris is working today…the boys are fine, but Emma Faye is still on meds and having her  breathing treatments….just didn’t want to get her out.  So we have been home today….it’s not been too bad.  But my heart is heavy and I feel I’ve taken on the mood of the weather……a bit gloomy.  I’m just burdened today by “life.”  –the pain of living in a fallen world.  Loneliness, cancer, poverty, rejection, infidelity, infertility, fear….I mean the list goes on and on….and I have dear friends struggling with them ALL.  Today I’m not understanding God.  I was singing one of Josh’s favorite songs before his afternoon nap today and it went something like this:

Praise Him, Praise Him

all you little children

God is love, God is love

Praise Him, Praise Him

all you little children

God is love….God is love

As I sang the last “God is love”… I was filled with emotion.  God IS love.  That is what He is.  He can’t be anything else.  When I am stuggling with the trustworthiness of my God… I must resort back to my “child-like faith” and the simplicity of these concepts.  For some reason beyond our comprehension He allows bad things to happen…. He allows bad things to happen to GOOD people.  But He still loves us.  He still wants the best for us even though it seems He desires the worst.  I must turn to truths in the bible….

“I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me;  I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me.  I said, ‘Here am I, here am I, to a nation which did not call on My name…..I have spread out my hands all day long to a rebellious people..” Isaiah 65:1-2

and He continued spreading them until He hung on a cross and became the unblemished lamb to save us….the ultimate sacrifice.

He IS love……with that understood…. how do I deal with the disappointments of life?  Right now as I am moved to tears….I realize that life is always changing…..but God is not.  He has never changed.  He remains forever the same.  That is how we may continue to praise him… that is how we continue to lean upon The Rock for our strength.

I am reminded of the parable of the talents found in Luke 19:11.  I know it was initially an illustration on the usage of money….but today… I don’t know… my mind sees things a little differently.  I just was thinking about this parable in terms of our faith and relationship with Christ.  The master gave all of his servants the same amount of money.  As the story goes… some doubled their money… some made a little more… and some did nothing with their gift.  Perhaps this is a stretch… but I began to think about this in light of my personal relationship with Christ.  I have been given salvation… I have been extended faith…….what am I doing with this during the hard times (in a since…while my master is away).  Am I using such “opportunities” to invest in my Savior and draw forth the sweet rewards of complete rest and trust; be able to SEE and EXPERIENCE HIM like never before?…… or withdraw from him completely in a “why does my life suck” mentality and literally do nothing with the faith and relationship He has extended to me until the day He takes me home?  It seems virtually impossible to me that choosing to embrace the difficulties through the strength of my Lord will not yield a greater profit [of faith] than I had before…..and that in return will add to my overall “income”.  Could it be these difficult times that seem to be for our detriment…….actually be for our gain?

Oh precious friends…precious “daughters of the King”……please be encouraged.  I write these things more for myself than trying to sound “preachy.”  Life is so hard.  And I know some of us are undergoing tremendous disappointments and struggles……but I know they are extended to us for our gain in Him.  As we face them head-on and brace ourselves for their attack… may we embrace Christ all the more.  May we draw near to him all the more.  He is LOVE.  Praise Him…all you precious daughters of Christ.  God is Love!

“who will separate us from the love of Christ?  Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword..” (Romans 8:35)….or struggles within our marriages, or financial battles, or job uncertainties, or heartbreaks over our children, or loneliness, or anger, or friendships, or family dynamics, or illness……………

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, not things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38-39.

There is nothing that can separate us from His love….. and may nothing separate our minds from remembering that HE IS LOVE and He is ALWAYS loving us despite what our circumstances are screaming.

ok guys… so it’s the weekend… I’m sick.  Emma Faye has two infected ears and is presently needing three breathing treatments daily….. so I was in need of a little cheering up……….the worship leader at our church in Charleston, SC…Eric Sparks…. had this up on his site.  Trust me… you’ve GOT to go here… I really wouldn’t EVER link you astray.  It’s really quick…but hilarious.  (And don’t forget to hit the “click here to hear” so you can listen.)  enjoy.

http://www.ericsparks.net/2008/03/12/1-2-3-4/

I’ve been thinking about contentment all week.  I couldn’t help but realize that Christ –in all–is my reward..anything else is added blessing.  He gives and He takes away because it is all His to begin with.  This thought brings such peace to my heart as I pray through worries and fears I struggle with regarding the protection of my family.  The only thing, really that is mine… that can’t be taken away is my eternal salvation in Him through Jesus Christ. 

“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:28

–therein lies my reward.  Not the promise of a perfect, happy life….not an “if I obey Christ and adhere to all of His teachings, then I will be blessed” kind of life.  I have already received my reward….and that is my salvation.  All else falls under “added blessings to enjoy while He permits.”  Scary…yet comforting. I pray for a kind of perspective that focuses my heart on the greater reward.  Not worldly “instant gratifiers” that receive their payment in full… but eternal gratifiers.  Ones that withstand all eternity–my relationship with Jesus Christ and my life, now, unto Him –Here are just a few words of a song I wrote awhile back, but feel like the Lord wants me to share them.  And I must ask…as I ask myself…whose race am I running?  What accolades am I desiring?  Are they found in the rewards of Christ?

I have labored, I have toiled

for these trophies in my hands

but when that wind begins to blow

they are just as grains of sand

Oh precious Christ, my precious Savior

You gladly took what I deserved

Gave me life, Found in me favor

precious Christ, my sweet reward

Precious Christ, my sweet reward

“You are the God who sees me”  Genesis 16:13

A few days ago I found myself in my closet trying to find something to wear to go out on my “birthday date” with Chris.  He planned a wonderful birthday weekend for me… I had a GREAT day AND weekend..but I was still a little sad.  It seemed I was miles away from all of my friends and family… and I couldn’t help but feel a little down.  I sat down in the middle of the floor surrounded by skirts and blouses and piles of shoes.  The tears began to flow.  “God, I’m so lonely.  I’m just so lonely.”  That was Thursday night.

Friday the phones were ringing off the hook.  Friends and family were calling from far and near wishing me a happy birthday.  I was even surprised by a call from my dear friend now residing in Mali, Africa.  Monday my neighbor stopped by my house and asked if we could go out on a “Girls night” this weekend.  Wednesday, today, one of my dearest friends from bible study showed up at my doorstep….a meal in her arms…. “Just wanted to brighten your day.  We know that the kids have been sick and Chris isn’t home tonight….just thought this might help”  She and another friend from our study had gotten together and made a meal.  With it a card attached… I simply MUST include the sweet message (hope you don’t mind Carolynn)……

Jenny,

We just wanted to let you know that we love you and were thinking about you!  Hope this adds a little joy and brightness to your day.  Remember we are your traveling partners!  We are standing shoulder to shoulder with you and enfusing you with courage. …When life gets stupid……

Sarah dropped all of this off right before I was leaving to pick up Will from school.  As I was driving, the above verse came to my mind.  God, you are the God who sees me.  No, I wasn’t with child hovering near a well in the desert… but inside my little closet…there was certainly a well of tears….and a lonely heart….desperate for some “womanly” encouragement.  I needed friends.  I love my husband and am SOO grateful for him… but I wanted friends.  God saw me.  And He provided me with the encouragement that I needed. And He sees you, too.  What are your needs?  He wants to meet those.  He has the power to meet those…great and small.  Trust Him with those needs and through them.  When I moved to Birmingham, never in my WILDEST dreams would I have thought I would have already met and made such AMAZING, SWEET, God loving, God serving friends…..but He is ABLE!  He will provide.

“…for she said, I have now seen the One who sees me.  That is why the well was called Beer Lahai Roiv…..it is still there..” Genesis 16:13-14

Thus I have entitled today’s entry “Beer Lahai Roiv”…for I, too, “have now seen the One who sees me.”  Those same eyes who looked upon Hagar’s desperate state and were filled with compassion, are the same eyes who continued forth to bless Abraham, who led Moses across the Red Sea, who saw the whale spit Jonah back on dry land, who watched David dance before him, who saw Isaiah plead before the people, who saw Mary when she received the news she would carry His son…who watched Jesus give up his life….who saw the glory when He was raised……….

And like that well…those eyes are still there….they are the same ones looking upon us.  Even when we fail to plead our needs and make our requests known to our heavenly Father…..He sees us and meets us where we are.  Praise the Lord!  We have a God who sees.

p.s.–ok, guys, so I’m serious about this… I just finished writing this…Josh is no longer staying in his room for roomtime….Will is coming out…I’m SOO tired… and my neighbor shows up at my house…”Can I have your kids?  My kids need someone to play with…can I just have your boys…you can come over when Emma Faye wakes up”  Ummm….who does that!!!!  Is the Lord shinining down on me today or WHAT!!! He SOOO knew what I needed today!!!  ok…so I’m going to rest right now until Emma awakes…my lasagna is in the oven (the one my friends made)  life is good! 

“for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”  Philippians 4:11

the circumstances:

1. Will… bad cough, infection in one ear, right before bedtime busted his lip open (bloody massacre in the house…lip bleeds are the worse)

2. Josh… infections in both ears, if coughs too hard will vomit (must somehow redirect the kid if he begins his coughing)

3.  Emma Faye..probably presently suffering from ear infection like her brothers, but sweet hubby couldn’t see inside her ear due to all the wax..didn’t have the instrument at home to clean it out…i have to wait it out, she won’t eat, not sleeping well, green snot pouring from nostrils

4.  Chris will not be home before 10pm for the next three days

5. Laundry hamper is overflowing in EVERYONE’S room

6. I can’t seem to get back on my “healthy eating” diet

7. I’m tired

8. I’m extremely discouraged that my kids seem to always be sick

9.  My boys seem to detest each other this week and it’s JUST MONDAY!

I so wish Paul and I could set up a starbucks date and really talk about this.  I want contentment SO desperately.  Chris and I were bickering today about the fact that nothing seems to make me happy anymore.  Why AM I so miserable?  ….more like miserable to be around?  I think it’s because I lack contentment in my circumstances.  For some reason.. this is it.  This is my life.  These are my children.  I have such an ungrateful spoiled little girl attitude.  Children are such a gift… an amazing, serving husband is such a gift….  what is my deal!!

content: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

-with what one is:  I am a sinner.  I am flawed.  I need to stop trying to be so freaking perfect in everything I do and measuring myself against perfection instead of Christ.  I need to love me for who He has created me to be and for some reason he was given me these children exactly as they are because for some reason they NEED the mom exactly as I am. 

-with what one has:  I am a sinner, but I’m also a sinner saved by grace.  I have Christ… and through him I may attain the “secret of being content in any and every situation….I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12-13) I am not left helpless and hopeless.  I have a way out.  I have a means of achieving power.

-not wanting more:  Is Jesus enough?  This will be my greatest question.  I’ve written about it in songs… I’ve read about it in books… I’ve located verses in the bible all revolving around this one concept.  What if I was left with nothing more than Jesus.  Have you ever thought about that?  Is He enough?  Everything in the Old Testament is a crying for his arrival… everything in the New Testament is a declaring of His praise…. He is King of Kings.  He is real.  God, may you be enough for me…not just in the daily struggles… but enough, enough. 

-not wanting anything else:  What is my hearts cry.  What do I long for the most?  So often I am constantly thinking… oh, when the kids are potty-trained then…… when the kids go to school, then…..  when we go on vacation, then…..  when we get out of fellowship, then……  when we have more money, then…..  when I lose 20 pounds, then…. when I color my hair, then…. I mean I could go on and on about my fantasy life that follows those “then” statements.  Are you living in an “if…then” life?  I think I have for so long.  I want to stop.  I want to live a “THIS” life and a NOW life.  I want to enjoy the good in the bad IN MY TIME, now.  I want to want nothing else but Christ; whether that is wanting him for strength… wanting him for praise…. wanting him for conversation, wanting him for comfort, wanting him for healing, needing him for wisdom, for guidance…… I don’t want to “want” for anything else, but my Jesus.

On Saturday I was going about my day and couldn’t help but think about day two of Easter weekend.  You know we always focus on Good Friday and Easter… and of course.. those are very important..duh… but I woke up Saturday morning and over breakfast I couldn’t help but tell Chris….”Can you imagine what today felt like.  Our Lord, those who knew Him to be, was murdered and to their knowledge, dead.  They had killed our Lord.  Can you imagine the hopelessness?”  As the day progressed I just kept thinking about it.  Saturday was a long day in that respect.  But it made me center my thoughts on life without Christ… such doom, such despair….  This year Easter meant so much more.  “He conquered the grave!!!!  My Jesus conquered the grave!! ” (as we sang in church)…..

…and this is the same God who will enable me to find contentment in ALL of my circumstances…..and this is WHY I CAN be content in everything and be able to “do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Lord, give me the strength to want nothing more than YOU above all else.